Tales From A Broad

It's official. I'm putting this blog to sleep.

I figure that a) it's a new year b) life in America is not nearly as exciting as it was in Asia and c) I'm lazy. It was fun while it lasted, but this is def the last.

To those who read along with my mostly unintelligible observations in the land of bizarre--THANKS!! Your dedication and wasted time at work fed my narcissism to write about myself.

おぎんま で!

Bye Bye Asia. Hello USA.

From Hong Kong, I flew into my original hometown, Los Angeles, to spend a few days with all the family we left behind. Words do no justice, and my time with them flew by a lot faster than I would've liked it to. Here's a brief recap:

Day 1: Met up with my aunt, uncle and cousin. Ate extra cheesy lasagna. At that point, my jellyfish sting was leaking ooze through my bandages. I saw another pharmacist.


My repulsive jellyfish foot a few days after the scene of the crime.

Day 2: Met up with my other aunt, uncle, and cousin. Aunt and uncle take me to the East L.A.--the most Mexican part of the city to feast on the best chimichangas money can buy. Mama likey. Also, met up with 2 buddies of mine from college (Hey Leia and Kris!!).


My uncle and some mariachi players at the BEST Mexican joint ever

Day 3: Meet up with cousin who takes me to his job where he works with the MTV show "Pimp My Ride." Cousin shows me the fixed up Aston Martins and Cadillacs. I take many cheesey pics with the staff.


One of the top dogs from Mtv's Pimp My Ride and the cheezin as always, me

Day 4: Cousin takes me to a Halloween party. Him and his friends dress up as Mexicans and I dress up as an Asian with a Chinese dress and a Vietnamese conical hat. I held my breath all night, hoping to not get shot.


My cousin Jeff and me


My cousin Adrian and me
Day 5: Say farewell to my family who pampered me like crazy. They're incredible. I took a flight to Jacksonville, Florida to go home to my immediate family.


My parents, sisters and me :)


Another Napolean-Dynamite-Glamour-Shots family photo

The #1 question people have been asking since I've come home is, "Which was your favorite place?" I can't possibly answer that questions without giving a million different answers. I loved almost every place for different reasons. Instead, I'll give each country their fair share in the First Annual Cee Pee Awards.*


Cambodia
Biggest culture shock
Most corrupt politics
Best looking women (TIED with Thailand)
Most beggars
Least developed
Saddest history
Easiest place to lose your soul
Least likely to improve anytime soon
Best temples
Easiest place to get an STD (TIED with Thailand.) and no, i'm not writing from experience you naughty kids!
Most fascinating

China
Best bargain shopping
Most superstitious
Dirtiest streets
Most likely to get your picture taken by a local (TIED with Taiwan)
Best bootleg stuff
Most materialistic locals
Most likely to improve
Least amount of English spoken (TIED with Japan)

Hong Kong
Most English spoken
Most international
Most exciting city
Easiest place to befriend the locals

Japan
Most racist locals
Least value for your money
Shyest locals
Fastest trains
Most vending machines
Most in denial of their existence
Least amount of English spoken (TIED with China)
Most helpful locals
Most polite locals
Worst looking men

Laos
Least likely to get ripped off(TIED with Malaysia)
Best herbal saunas
Most spacious
Best locals
Best place to eat a French baguette
Least touristy
Cheapest place (TIED with Cambodia)
Easiest place to get off the beaten path


Malaysia
Best place to eat Indian food in SE Asia
Best beaches
Best for nature buffs
Best fruit shakes
Most conservative & religious
Least likely to get ripped off (TIED with Laos)

Taiwan
Most likely to get your picture taken by a local (TIED with China)
Tallest building in the world

Thailand
Best place to get a sex change
Best parties
Best massages
Most touristed
Best place to find your soul
Easiest place to fall in love
Best chocolate and banana pancakes
Best place to meet backpackers
Best looking women (TIED with Cambodia)
Best food
Easiest place to get an STD (TIED with Cambodia)

Singapore
Smallest culture shock
Cleanest streets
Safest place to sample new foods
Strictest laws
Best high-quality shopping
Best English accent
Most technologically advanced
Most boring city

South Korea
Best looking men
Best place to eat BBQ
Proudest locals

Vietnam
Most likely to get ripped off
Most likely to get pick-pocketed
Best beer
Best place to buy a new wardrobe
Worst locals

*Disclaimer: These are just my humble opinions that are solely a result of my personal experiences in each country. Surely everyone has different experiences, so please don't chew my head off if you disagree. Instead, why don't you leave a comment? Also, these are just generalizations. No, not every Vietnamese will rip you off, and who knows? You may even get food poisening from a chocolate banana pancake in Thailand. Catch my drift?

The skyline on top of Victoria's Peak.

My Hong Kong-German buddy, Jörg, and me

Hi Zania!


Such a lively city


Artsy-futuristic architecture

Hong Kong is a utopia of sorts. It's the best Asian example where Western and Eastern people, idealogies and customs can truly work and live side-by-side. I'm sure there's loads of prejudices and social barriers, but it might be the place in Asia that holds the least amount of both.

Thanks to England and its colonizing, virtually everyone, not just the people who deal with tourists, speak English. The streets are cleaner than mainland China and it's one of the most diverse places in Asia. The city is relatively rich so I didn't see any homeless people (although I'm sure they exist). When I showed my pictures to my sisters, they both remarked how much it resembled New York. In short, Hong Kong is the shit.

I was only their for a couple of days, just enough time to get a haircut, get on top of Victoria Peak to look at the skyline by night, take the star ferry, shop at the markets, party in Lan Kwai Fong, and sleep in Chungking Mansions (EEK! actually not as bad as people say). My trip was officially unwinding, and in a matter of hours, I'd be heading back to "the land of expanding waistlines*," the US of A.

Labels: Hong Kong

I'm not going to write much about my stay in Ho Cho Minh City (Saigon) even though that's where some of the largest underground tunnels were bult to protect the Vietnamese aginst the Americans. I don't have any pictures to put up since I lost my cheap-o camara, and as a result, I've lost the motivation to recreate everything.

My last stop in Vietnam was on peaceful Phu Quoc Island. One week of lying on the beach, writing, reading, eating delish seafood, swimming, drinking Vietnamese wine, and living in a bamboo bungaloo was just what I needed to take a "vacation" from this vacation. Early wake-up calls to go sightseeing weren't needed here, but mainly, I escaped to this remote island to get away from the irritating locals who would love nothing more than to sell tourists something--all the time. Thankfully, there was none of that here.

One morning, I was swimming, just minding my business, until I felt a sting on my foot that turned into a buuuurning sting in a matter of seconds. I looked down and holy shit---I got stung by a MASSIVE red jellyfish (maybe the size of 2 phone books). I went to a pharmacy where--Vietnam being the developing nation it is--they prescribed Vasoline and cotton. Consequently, my foot swelled up to the size of a rotten mango that had bursted yellow goo outside of its' skin. Disgusting? Yup. Unfortunately, I didn't take any photos of the beautiful scenery or of my "gangrine" foot (appropriately coined by my cousin).

Labels: Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Phu Quoc island, Vietnam

At the entrance of a Buddhist temple.



The psychedelic "crazy house" popular with locals and tourists in Da Lat.

Labels: Da Lat, Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Hue

Not many sunsets rival this one.

A cruise in Vietnam? Halong Bay is where you can do it, where almost 2,000 limestone islands dot the coast of northern Vietnam. A Vietnamese legend tells of a family of dragons that came to Vietnam to protect them against the Chinese invaders by spitting jewels in the ocean, which eventually turned into these jungle islands.


Cruising through all the tiny islands.


One of the caves we went to (thanks for letting me steal this one Dave).

Caves and beaches can be found on many of these islands, and a picturesque sunset/sunrise is a given. We took a 2-day cruise boat along this UNESCO heritage site that turned into a party boat by night.

We explored caves, jumped off our boat into the ocean, slept on the rooftop,played the guitar, and just vegged out. It was the perfect relaxation from the hiking we did in Sapa.


The cops who tried to negotiate my hand in marriage.

Labels: caves, cruise, Ha Long Bay, UNESCO World Heritage, Vietnam

The Sunday market where this Vietnamese tribe sells EVERYTHING like vegetables...

...sugar cane...

...tobacco...

...and pigs.

Labels: Lao Cao market, Sapa, Vietnam

These women from the local tribes helpes us along the way.

Sapa is probably the best place Vietnam has to offer. This northern town is near the Chinese border and has the most beautiful mountains. After centuries of hard-work, the locals have cultivated rice terraces into the mountains. If there is a stairway to heaven, Sapa is where it is. These lime-green rice paddies look like large steps on the dark green mountains.


Mountain rice paddies = Stairway to Heaven

For only two day, I went trekking through these mountains to visit hill-tribes in their villages, eat their local foods and take lots and lots of pictures of the scenery. The hike itself wouldn't have been so difficult if it wasn't for the muddy floor and rainy conditions. Each person in my group took a bamboo stick and hoped for the best.

A 6 year-old girl from one of the nearby villages followed me the entire afternoon. She told me about how she walks these 9 kilometers every day with her sisters. In some ways, she reminded me of those pictures that you see in brochures from non-profit organizations for the poor. Her hat was tattered and her clothes were plain. For sure, she was poor. Once we got to her village, she asked me over and over again if I wanted to buy something from her.


My little buddy who took me to her village.

It struck me. Of course, these tribes are poor. Money was never an object in their lifestyles until tourism banged on their doors: a new opportunity to pry into another, otherwise, isolated community. This was the first time the word "poverty" didn't carry a negative stigma for me. These people were happy and self-sustainable without money (what a novelty), but now they're addicted to tourists.

That night, an old widower from the village cooked us dinner and let us sleep in her house. Dishes of friend garlic and greens, steamed rice, tofu and tomatoes, fried beef and ginger....oh man. I hadn't eaten so well like that in a looong time.

To finish us off, she brought 2 jugs of homemade rice wine to celebrate one of the Isreali's in my group's birthday. So you've got to imagine it: 2 Swedes, 2 Isrealis, 3 Russians, 1 American (me), 1 Danish, 1 Ozzie, and 3 Vietnamese taking shots from this old lady who didn't stop pouring our glasses until we passed out. They sang traditional songs. We sang the "Happy Birthday" song in our respective languages. They exchanged farming stories. We exchanged traveling stories.


Everyone congratulating Roi for being born a couple decades ago.


Group shot right after dinner. Mmmm...

Iness shwowing our hostess the Russina way to drink.

The next day, we continued our trek through the mountains in our hangover haze. Along the way there were schools to visit and farmers in conical hats to see. The trip was practically over and I was soon on myway back to Hanoi.

Labels: mountains, Sapa, trekking, Vietnam

The scariest and most painful journey of my life was getting from Luang Prabang, Laos to Hanoi, Vietnam. Going 90 MPH over a dirt road with pot-holes in a mini-van with worn down suspensions in the middle of the night isn't exactly a vacation. Alas, we made it alive, so I can't complain.

In less than one hour of arriving into Vietnam, I'd witnessed an angry woman scream and throw a bicycle at another angry woman; a restaurant-owner boast about his virtual immunity from the corrupt policemen and his drug trafficking across the Vietnam-Laos border; and the bus driver push my friends and me to the back of the bus with the suitcases, a [probably broken] computer tower and a bag of bananas.

Vietnam and I were already getting on a bad start.

What was it about the Vietnamese that pissed me off? In my 3 weeks in that country, I found a lot of them (at least the ones who deal with tourists) to be liars. It's sad that I have to write them off like that, but I found that to be true more times than not. A driver would assure me that he really was taking em to a market, only to take me to his brother's shop. We'd pay for a kayaking trip only to get taken to a restaurant-boat. Some may say that maybe it's a misunderstanding, a language barrier. I say that they know perfect English when they're selling something to foreigners. They tell us what we want to hear, no matter how false the reality really is.

Labels: Hanoi, Vietnam

This woman was one of the many locals feeding the monks at dawn. This is commonly known as the Morning Alms.

VanVieng, Laos was one of the hardest places I pulled myself away from. The people i met, the kids I taught, the town itself, swimming the Mekong Delta, everything about it was addicting. Alas, time and money were running out so i headed north to Luang Prabang. The charm? It has on of the biggest monk populations in Asia, and any walk down the streets at 5AM proves it.

It's called the Morning Alms and it happens every day in this religious little city of Laos. Dozens of lines of about 15 monks of all ages walk down the streets with urns strapped around their shoulders. They use them to collect food from the local people who have wait patiently on their knees to donate food to these monks on their daily walks. Usually balls of sticky rice, the local people place it in each of the monk's urns for blessings.

To see the otherwise vacant streets with dots of bright orange is one of the best wake up calls I've ever had. Before the sun rises, men and women faithfully get on their knees, everyday to feed the monks.

Other than that, the city has the usual wats (temples) and a calm night market to buy lots of local crafts like woven blankets and handmade fans. The second biggest draw though, is the massive waterfall a few kilometers outside of town. I had befriended a couple of American guys who came with me to the waterfalls. These were people I had met when during our tubing trip down the Mekong River where one of the owners of a restaurant negotiated the price of his daughter--in dirt--to these guys. Despite the "No Swimming" signs, we got in for some good ol' catching up on that ridiculous day.

Buddha Park.

I also didn't get to write about going to capital of Laos (Vientienne) where the random Buddha Park is. There had to have been at least 30 Hindi-Buddhists statues strewn across the lawn of this massive park. Monks and tourists alike come here to compare heads with this bug Buddha statue.

Labels: laos, luang prabang, monks, vientienne, waterfalls

Dream no more because Luang Prabang, Laos is the perfect monk-friendly community. Bask in Buddha glory as you and your new monk friends frolic through the rice markets in the afternoon.

After midday meditation, enjoy the smells of sandalwood incense from some of the more than 60 wats (temples) in Luang Prabang--a gentle reminder that this is one of the world's largest communities for monks just like you!! There's something for everyone in Luang Prabang, whether you're a novice or you've attained enlightenment:

• Eat all of your rice and lemongrass meals along the Mekong River.
• Fasting? Stroll by Western restaurants serving meat to supress your hunger and scoff at their sinister ways.
• Get all of your Buddhist festival gear at the local night market.
• Not holy enough? Enjoy self-mortification at one of the many stunning watrefalls just a few kilometers outside the city's center.

I'm home in Jacksonville, Florida and there's so much to write. Here's a preview:

Waterfalls . . Angry women throwing bikes . . A 33 hour bus ride . . Vietnam . . Trekking through the mountains . . Sleeping with hill tribes . . Rice wine . . Night cruises . . Caves . . Singing on rooftops . . 10¢ beer . . Water puppets . . A new tailor-made wardrobe . . A cute Englishman . . Remote Vietnamese island . . Night swimming . . Glow-in-the-dark plankton . . Bungalow on the beach . . Stung by a jellyfish . . Scammed out of $140 . . Underground tunnels during the Vietnam War . . Haircut in Hong Kong . . A cute German . . Mountaintop at night . . Flew to Los Angeles . . Ungodly amounts of cheese . . Jetlagged . . Visited relatives there . . In N' Out burgers . . Halloween party, 4 Mexican guys and an Asian. The set of MTV's Pimp My Ride . . Flew to Florida . . Sooooo jetlagged . . Sick from all the cheese . . Trick or treated with Ferny . . Disney World's International Food & Wine Festival . . Jury duty . .

This is it. Almost a year and half ago, I left America for Asia, fresh-eyed and optimistic. Clueless about what would happen there, but excited nonetheless. I had no expectations. Now I'm at the end of it, and my head is overflowing with new ideas and opinions about everything. I could go on and on about what I've learned, but I'll spare you a lot of it.

I left home to make myself as vulnerable and insecure as possible by taking away all the familiarity that being home cacoons me with. I wanted to learn my boundaries so I could defy them. I'm not sure if I've accomplished any of this, although maybe I'm making a start. One thing is for sure though--exploring Asia woke me up.

Never in my life have I been more aware of myself, of life and the of world. My strengths and-- especially--my weaknesses. How much potential there is in life. All the opportunities in the world. It makes me so excited, my head feels like it's going to explode.

How did this all happen? It's not just because I was in a new country with new people (undoubtedly this is the fundamental part of it though). It's seems more than that. I believe that a lot of it has to do with the solitude. The isolation from everything I've ever known. No one pressured me to leave. If anything, there were some who discouraged me to leave, or at least were baffled as to why I chose this path. No one was with me from the beginning to the end. In spirit, yes. But in the physical, no. No friends from home. No boyfriend. No roomate. No co-worker. Every single decision has been mine. All the mistakes and successes were solely mine.

In the past I mostly kept this to myself, but now I'm not afraid to say that my time abroad, occasionally, put me in a dark place. I don't think I've ever experienced more dissappointments in my personal life than during my time in Japan. And this isn't a direct result of the country at all. Death. Love. Family. Old friends. New friends. Details are boring. I just left home at a bizaare time in my life. Many people stood by me, and some even tried to help. A few walked away. Most didn't suspect a thing.

Make no mistake. There are no slit wrists here. It seems like the worst is over and I'm slowly surfacing, noticing so much about life like it's my first time. Luckily, I had so many unforgettable, phenomenal, life-changing, unbelievable experiences to enlighten me. This blog doesn't do justice to my time away. It only scratches the surface. How can I describe what it's like to see Laos women faithfully get on their knees at dawn to sacrifice food to monks? Or how I felt when my tiny Japanese students walked me home, as far home as their parents would let them? Or what the sunrise over an unspoiled Malaysian island looks like? Or how many eye-opening conversations I've had with Russians, Singaporians, Isrealis, Dutch, Thais, Australians, Colombians, Welsh, Angolans...?

I'm finally awake and I'm coming home.

*I'm a private person. I tend to shy away from revealing personal info, the real stuff, that makes me "Christine," on my blog. After all, its a public website! But, I think I'm going to make an exception this time as to commemorate my homecoming. Plus, I owe to you guys--the people who have kept up with me the whole way through. Thanks for reading!

...walk down the streets without being noticed [for being a foreigner].

....wear flip-flops in the winter again.

....go to the dentist.

....drive my car.

....eat Mexican food. The kind out of the back of an old pick-up truck off the side of the road.

....eat a variety of real cheeses and cereals, chocolate, whole grain bread, wine, soft chocolate chip cookies that are a little raw in the middle, BBQ cheeseburgers, buffalo chicken sandwhiches, dipping pizza in ranch sauce, my mom's Cuban food, hummus, salsa, chocolate cake, macaroni and cheese, lasagna...

....watch all the good movies I missed.

...take Lucy to the dog park. :)

....meet outgoing guys [who aren't afraid to approach a girl].

....be home for the holidays.

...take my nephew trick-or-treating.

....sit-down toilets.

....my bed.

...see everyone!

....fly 13 hours in a plane.

Check out the sign directly above his head. Hmmm... Interesting.

These are some of my favorite people I met on this trip. From left to right: Damien (Australia), Sylvie (France), me (USA, but you already knew that), Peter (Germany), Adam (USA)

Me on the notorious flying swing.

The organic farm had lots of chances to volunteer. We could do anything from paint houses to landscaping to teaching English to the village kids. I had originally had my heart set on helping the women make mulberry tea by hand. I've never done anything like that before, but my very first day on the farm, Peter and Sylvie asked Adam and I if we wanted to help out with the English classes. We couldn't turn the invitation down.

Recess time: this shoe and rope game was the most popular game at the village.

I'm still a bit weary about teaching English again since my job in Japan is still so fresh in my mind. I never thought I'd be doing it so soon, especially on my vacation! We tagged along and it was a lot more enjoyable than I thought it'd be. It hardly felt like work. There were 2 classes, the first filled with young children, no older than 10. This was, by far, my favorite class. "teaching" them is a another word for playing with them. The second class is comprised of the teens. We were all so impressed with how much English they all seemed to know. Way more than any of my classes in Japan. Sidenote:I found that the poorer a country is, the more English the locals know. Survival surely plays a part in this.

Peter and I singing the classic, "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes."

I had only planned to volunteer in the English class that day, but the kids were just too addicting. So many of them asked us to come back the next day. Eventually, I ended up teaching English to them for a week!

At the end of the older class, the students performed a traditional Laos dance and tried to teach it to us too. We were pitiful, but it was still a lot of fun to try! Thankfully, Sylvie has been dancing her whole life and did a Dirty Dancing-esque routine for all the boys and girls. How can I describe to you what it was like to see Sylvie booty-dancing in front of all these teenage boys and girls? Whether the students were scared or impressed, or both, was hard to tell, but one thing was for sure: they wanted more and they wanted to learn how to dance!

Our older students teaching us the traditional Laos dance.

By the end of the week, Sylvie gained the unofficial title as the "Hip-hop instructor." Now that's internationalization!

Labels: laos, organic farm, Van Vieng

Our furry wake up calls--the baby goats.

The way north to the Cambodia-Laos border is long and dusty. I took the local bus, a long-tail boat, a taxi and a motobike. When I finally arrived to Vientienne, the capital of Laos, 2 days had passed.

The bus was nothing more than a pick-up truck with railings on the sides. I soon learned the best way to get a bus in Laos: sit on the side of the road and frantically wave your arms in the air. I was lucky enough to sit inside. The order went like this: the driver on the left, me pushed against the stick-shift, and 2 Laos women. We were lucky.


With every crazy arm in the air, the driver pulled over to let them jump on. Just when I thought we couldn't possibly pick up another person, the resourceful Laos would climb on the roof, or hang off the sides. The process never stopped until we arrived in Vientienne. Drive. Crazy arms. Pull over. Pick up. Drive. Crazy arms. Pull over. Pick up. Drive. Each time I turned around, to see who or what we actually picked up, a fresh smily face was pressed against the window. I was already liking Laos.


By the time I had passed through the Laos border, I had already missed the next bus north to the capital. I was in a remote fishing village off the Mekong River. A village so small, that not even the locals could pinpoint the exact location of it on a map. This was going to be my new home for the night. At first, I was annoyed that I had been mislead, but then I saw it for what it was: an adventure. This truly was off the beaten path.

FLIGHT RESERVATION ==================

DEP/ CITY DATE TIME DAY FLIGHT/ CLASS/ STOPS ARR AIRCRAFT STATUS ---- -------------------- ----- ------ --- -------- ----------- ------------

DEP HO CHI MINH CITY 24OCT 18:55 TUE CX764 ECONOMY NON-STOP
ARR HONG KONG INT'L 22:35 (333) CONFIRMED

DEP HONG KONG INT'L 26OCT 13:20 THU CX884 ECONOMY NON-STOP
ARR LOS ANGELES TBIT 11:35 (744) CONFIRMED

DEP LOS ANGELES LAX 30OCT 08:30 MON AA2430 M NON-STOP
ARR DALLAS DFW 13:35 (M80) CONFIRMED

DEP DALLAS DFW 30OCT 15:10 MON AA2434 M NON-STOP
ARR JACKSONVILLE INT'L 18:25 (M80) CONFIRMED


AIRLINES ========

CX - CATHAY PACIFIC AIRWAYS LTD.
AA - AMERICAN AIRLINES INC.

I can't believe a place like this exists. It was an unforgettable week, but I was happy to be able to walk down the street again without someone grabbing my attention to sell me a tuk tuk ride, drugs, or his empty baseball cap for money.

The Khmer people are a sad race. Virtually every family has been traumatized by the systematic killing by the Khmer Rouge, been injured or killed by landmines planted by the Americans, or just too poor too eat. Life throws salt on their wounds by giving them a heartless govnerment that couldn't care less about their own people. The Cambodian government has left their people to the streets. They've left them with nothing. It's pathetic.

The power of money in Cambodia shocked me the most. EVERYTHING is for sale. Women. Guns. Murder. People, particularly the vicous government, are so money-hungry, that they are willing to sell things that the Western world teaches us are priceless. Things like love, justice, and life can all be bought for a pretty penny.

Experiencing Cambodia is like stepping back in time. All you have to do is look at the capital, Phnom Phon, which looks more like a sprawled-out village than a city. People sleep when the sun sets and awake when it rises. Wooden shacks house families of 8 people or more. Naked babies sit on windosills. Women wash laundry outside in tin bins. Dirt roads are the streets. Everything is so rudimentary.

Every minute of Cambodia fascinated and shocked me.

As an America, it is my God-given right to be a gun-fanatic, but I'm just not. Still, this didn't stop me from trying it while on vacation. What could be safer than firing guns from a shooting range in Cambodia that was taken to us by our tuk-tuk driver?


Chris, Tony and I pile into our tuk-tuk, a glorified lawn-mower with wheels, to be driven 20 minutes outside of Phnom Phen to the shooting range. Without any seatbelts, doors or sanity, we bobbed around the inside, while our driver manueuvered us through every obstruction imaginable-- pot-holes, herds of cows, 20 ft. bamboo poles, whole families on motobikes, clouds of dust from all the traffic...


As if straight out of the MTV show Cribs, the gates opened to a tiny kingdom. The owner sat us down and gave us the most dangerous menu I've ever seen:

$200 Rocket Launcher
$25 AK47 (25 bullets)
$25 M16 (25 bullets)
$30 Grenade
$25 Colt45

There were about 20 weapons to choose from, and at the bottom of the menu read, "Do not take picture of this menu!!"

Tony chose the grenade first and was instructed to throw it in the little swamp outside this guy's house. It was the most normal thing for him and his family. His daughter, who couldn't have been older than 13, was browsing a girly magazie. She was completely uninterested in the fact that the earth just shook or that her lake had just burped up black smoke.

Next was the M16, AK47, and Colt45. We all had our turns on each, but one shot was enough for me. As with every good Cribs episode, the owner of the shooting range wasted no time escorting us out, shutting us of those gates.

After the temples of Angkor Wat, I take the morning bus to the capital of Cambodia, Phnom Phen. I befriended Tony, an Ozzie guy who recently quit his job as a nurse at a prison and had went to Cambodia to do a 10-day meditation course. Needless to say, he had some interesting stories. He also introduced me to his friend Chris, an English guy who had just finished his job teaching English in Cambodia. The three of us ended up spending our days in crazy Phnom Phen together.


We went to the genocide museum in Phnom Phen to witness the horror of Cambodia's past. The Khmer Rouge was the brutal military in power during the 70's. They were an extreme communist government convinced that they had to kill off any "traitors," which was a very loose term applied to practically anyone. Men, women, children, babies, scholars, students, reporters, foreigners, monks and many others were some of the people selected as "traitors."


The Khmer Rouge turned a high school in Phnom Phen into a fully-functional concentration camp where they imprisoned these innocent people. The prisoners spent an average of 3 months in the old high school, working as forced laborers until they were sent to the killing fields and murdered in atrocious ways. Like so many of the victims in Hitler's holocaust, the Khmer Rouge victims were made to dig their own graves and shot, stabbed, or beaten to death once completed. Babies were spared this and were beaten to death against a tree instead.


To make matters worse, the victims were tortured on an almost daily basis. Not only did they face terrible living conditions like starvation and disease from the lack of personal-hygiene in the prison, they were also sent to rooms to be tortured with wrenches, hammers, or hung from trees. One of the worst examples is that they pulled of their toe-nails with plyiers.

Unfortunately, the genocide of the almost 2 million innocent victims is a large fact, mostly unknown to the average Westerner. Sadly, Cambodia still suffers to this day because barely any of the torturers faced any sort of punishemnt or even a trial after the Khmer Rouge fell apart. Not even the organizer of the Khmer Rouge, Pol Pot, was brought to trial and it's too late to do anything about it now. He died before anyone could bring any justice to the people.

Labels: cambodia, genocide, Khmer Rouge, Phnom Phen, Pol Pot

Probably the most disheartening part of the begging problem is that many of them are victims of landmines left by the Americans during the Vietnam War. Unfortunetely, most of the landmines haven't been deactivacted. Consequently, locals roam the streets with stubs for arms and pathetically point them to traveller's in the hopes that they'll spare a dollar.

Completely unrestored, Ta Phrom temple has become a beautiful and willing victim to nature. Carpets of moss blanket the stone roof, while monstrous vines dig through the ground. This was, by far, my favorite temple at Angkor Wat. I listened to my Ipod to drown out the hordes of Japanese and Chinese tour groups and laid on a crumbled wall to take it in all its' majesty. Two girls behind me had the same idea, spending the afternoon sketching the dark greens of the temple in their notebooks.




While inside, these 2 Khmer boys singled me out to follow them through the dark passageways. They led me by the arm to a dark corner, with absolutely noone around, to show me the head of a tiny statue that was almost completely strangled by tree vines. Pleased to show me their little secret, they ran off laughing, hiding themselves from the rest of the tourists.

Labels: 7 wonders of the world, Angkor Wat, cambodia, Siem Reap

Bayon temple is notorious for the countless carvings of Buddha-Hindu heads. Although most of them are missing ears or mouths due to nature and time, they are still pervasive. I climbed to th very top to find an old Khmer woman worshipping in a small room. When she finished praying, she spotted my curiousity and motioned for me to meet her at the top of the stairs. Despite the language barrier, she taught me how to properly pay my respects by letting me copy her. She gave me incense sticks, clapped a few times, bowed here and there, and sat motionless. After I followed her lead, I thanked her and put my donation at the alter.


I took the rest of my time to sit in a nook to write in my journal. The ideal place for introspective inspiration.

Labels: 7 wonders of the world, Bayon temple, cambodia, Siem Reap

Siem Reap, Cambodia is the proud home of the temples of Angkor Wat, one of the seven wonders of the world. Why are they wonderful? Comprised of more than 100 temples, Angkor Wat served as a metropolis for religous, social, and administrative buildings. They also were built to mimic one of the constellations at that time. The sheer size of it all is humbling, making it pretty easy to avoid the mobs of tour groups around.

This was quite possibly the best sight I've seen during my travels in the past 15 months. No other place I've been to was as mystical and relevant as the temples of Angkor Wat. Unlike many other ancient marvels, this sight is still used on a daily basis by the locals. Khmer people still come here to worship. Monks still meditate and chant on the temple grounds. Families still live next to them. The corroded stones are the only reminders that time, centuries, have passed.

Labels: 7 wonders of the world, Angkor Wat, cambodia, Siem Reap

$1,000 a cow
30 a grenade
30 to blow up a cow at a shooting range with a grenade
2 a pizza
3 a "happy" pizza
1 to upload one whole album on your Ipod or Mp3 player
400 to hire a hitman
500+ a "Get Out of Jail Free" card; a bribe
5 a prostitute
1,000 a virgin, soon-to-be prostitute


All prices are negotioable.

These services/items were either offered to me, the people I was with, or told to us in secret by the locals and expats.

No cows were harmed in the making of this post.

I spoiled myself--just this one time--by flying from Bangkok to Siem Reap, Cambodia because I saved my unused plane ticket from my last trip [due to a certain Swede ;)]. I didn't have to pay a penny and it saved me all the trouble of sitting on the back of a shoddy pick-up truck for 7 hours on a dirt road. Thank God.

The airport in Siem Reap is strikingly modern and rich--a sick contrast to the impoverished people who work them and the pot-hole roads that lead up to it. I paid my $20 for a visa and checked into my guesthouse to prepare myself for the insane week ahead.

Cambodia is a ridiculous place. Much more on that later.

The lovely black spider I ate. The legs were like beef jerky. The lower body (the poo part) was a luscious sack of gooey barf.

Sauteed snake eggs. Don't they look like over-sized pearl necklaces?!

The typical entree selection at your average Asian market.

21.) sauteed snake eggs in Siem Reap, Cambodia
22.) fried crickets in Surat Thani, Thailand
23.) fried spider in Phnom Phen, Cambodia
24.) spicy frog soup in Qingdao, China
25.) dog in VanVieng, Laos

To be continued, I'm sure....

Coming soon: guns, girls & ganja in Cambodia!!

Labels: asia, cambodia, china. thailand, food, laos, travel

Whenever people find out I'm travelling alone, its met with either awe or pity. Awe because they tell me that it's brave of me to be a a lone lady on the road. Pity because they tell me I'm a lone lady on the road (this comment is usually from the locals who can't fathom a woman travelling without a husband or a father).

Travelling alone makes it so much easier to meet people because I'm a lot more approachable than if I was with someone. Whether I'm waiting for a train, sitting next to a stranger on the bus, sharing a bunk bed with another backpacker, or taking a day trip , I've met people from all walks of life. Usually these instant friendships only last for the few days that we are in the same place, but they still make for eye-opening conversations and quality time spent with a person from a different part of the world. That's what I love about travelling; what normally takes ages, speeds up 5 times or more. Friendships form over a breakfast, people fall in love (infatuation?) on an overnight bus. Other backpackers, complete strangers, will come to your rescue if you lose your passport or get pick-pocketed. Things are much quicker and intense.

Travelling alone also lets me do whatever I want, whenever I want. The freedom is liberating.

Admittedly, meeting travel buddies comes in spurts. There are days when I can't meet someone or click with people, no matter how hard I try. During these dry spells, I use the "3 Question" formula given by my buddy Leanna who is the female guru of travelling alone:

1. tell me something i don't know about you.
2. tell me something you like about me.
3. tell me something you think we have in common.

Yea, it sounds cheesy, but it really works!!

There are other times when I can't get any alone time to write in my journal and just collect my thoughts.

The biggest misconception is that it's dangerous for women to travel alone. People--the media, our parents--are too quick to label countries, and even whole areas of the world as "risky." What's more dangerous? Telling an aggressive vendor at a Chinese market that you don't want to buy their bootleg Gucci purse or walking down some parts of (insert any major U.S. city here) at night, even with a group of friends? I'll take the former any day. The fear of guns is very real in America, not Asia. Rape is a factor that women should consider no matter where they are in the world, but in Asia, the fear of "losing face" (not to mention prison time and fines) is enough of a deterrant. The same can't be said back home.

Street smarts and common sense go a long way when travelling solo. As long as a woman practices both, she'll most likely be alright.
My only complaint is that it's a lot harder then I could have ever imagined to meet girls. I don't know if it's because I'm travelling during the low- season (less people), but I'm shocked by how rare it is for girls to travel this part of the world alone. The girls that I have met were backpacking with a big group, a best friend, or--much more common--a boyfriend. What's the deal ladies?! It's 2006 and the world is only getting smaller. If you're a female reading this, and have ever thought about travelling alone--do it!!! You will not regret it. It is a serious adventure!

Guaranteed to not cause pregnancy!

Sex is a commodity in Thailand and, unfortunatley, it shows since it has one of the highest HIV rates in the world. Thankfully, Cabbages and Condoms came to the rescue, being the first socially conscious restaurant in Bangkok. They offer every amazing Thai dish (green curry, sticky rice, and my all time favorite, Tom Yam soup and spicy papaya salad) and most of the profits benefit the local Thai women who've been stranded or afflicted with an STD by the hellish Asian sex industry or by their unfaithful husbands. Not only does the food at this restaurant taste AMAZING, but it's all for a good cause. Even the decor is cool with mannequins wearing condom suits and condoms being offered to customers instead of an after-dinner mint. As if the sexy cuisine wasn't enough, customers can go upstairs for a $5 foot massage provided by the local village women.

Screw after-dinner mints. Condoms are the best way to assure a "happy ending" in Bangkok.

The cool decor at this hip restaurant feature life-size condom mannequins.

My fave Thai dish: spicy papaya salad and Tom Yam, a spicy lemon soup with seafood.

Labels: Bangkok, safe sex, Thai restaurants

Sore limbs? Let me pull you, stretch you, pinch you.

Trying not to hurt this poor Thai lady.

I'm so addicted to Thai massages, that I thought I might as well take a class and learn it. All it took was one week of practiciting on a few Thai victims, reading a little blue book and $50. It's hard on the knees, but good on the soul. Word.

3.) $4 liquor Buckets of Love

4.) Jungle parties, Half-moon and Full-moon parties.

Koh Phanghan's parties are stuff of legends. Most backpacker's make a hedonistic pilgramige around the SE Asian countries and Koh Phanghan's Full Mooon Half Moon, New Year's and Jungle parties are number one on the list. Whether you drink, dance, or do both (or more), its a must to experience them on the island at least once. This time around, I went to the jungle party, a black-light trance fest with the DJ and his synthesizers set up on a bamboo stage. Derek and I made a very late 3 AM, appearance, and it was still swimming with Thai girls with glow sticks. The scenery was enough to guarantee a big night.

Black light tattoos

The ridiculous ride home.

...and into Thailand was cake.


I split a taxi with 3 other travellers to the border and had no problems with the immigration police on either side. We literally walked right in. Instantly, I felt the stark difference between easygoing Thailand and strict, Muslim Malaysia. Women in short skirts, not long black burkhas; men and women holding hands in public; buckets of liquor for sale in almost every store. Thais love to play and seem more open to breaking free from the constraints of the staus quo. Welcome ladyboys and interracial couples!

We waited for the next train to Surat Thani, the launching point to the islands off the east coast. We were in for a 9 hour train ride from hell. The cheap plastic covering the hard seats could only stick to my thighs from the lack of A/C and sweltering humidity. In case we wanted a beer or water, there was a suspicously friendly vendor asking if we wanted to buy any drinks from him every 10 minutes--for 9 hours.

"Want drink?
No thanks.

Now want drink?
No.

Now?
I'm fine. Really."

Oy vay.

Once in Surat Thani, we took an overnight ferry to Koh Tao, that sort of reminded me of pictures of slave boats I used to see in my high school's textbooks. We were tightly packed little cigars on the deck of this slow boat, sleeping nose to nose with our neighbors.


Surprisingly, the gentle rocking of the sea put me right to sleep, and I awoke to a new place, another group of aggressive locals offering me a tuk-tuk (local taxi) or a guesthouse. A tropical rude awakening, but it felt good to be back at a beach!

Just call me Padi O' Perez because I've finally gotten my official scuba certification with Padi (scuba assoc.). It's about time, seeing how I'm from Forida, a place famous for its beaches and dive sites. That was the running joke with the people at my dive place, that I came across the globe to do something I could've done in my backyard.


We did some amazing dives, and I especially liked this one of the tiny feeder shrimp who swam to our fingers to pick at our nails. We got our very own underwater manicure! I think the Horny Hoff (my instructor) took it a little too far though when he took his regulator off to let the shrimp pick at his teeth. Eeeeew....

None of my pics do the dives any justice; the bright plankton, striped giant clams, or trigger fish didnt show up very clear, so you'll just have to take my word for it. The Malaysian ocean is spectacular and its easy to see why so many people from around the world come here to dive and take their honeymoon.

As I wrote before, there was nothing to do on the tropical Perhentian Islands but to decompress and scuba dive, which is exactly what I needed! Malaysia suposedly has the cheapest scuba diving in the world and some of the best underwater scenery. I signed up for a class, watched the generic videos, took the test, practiced my dives, and got certified by the end of the week.

The best part of the week was meeting the people in my class, especially my scuba partner, Connor. He's a lawyer from Dublin and even though we were supposed to be responsible for not letting each other die in the water, we joked off instead by secretly teasing our scuba instructor (We coined the name "the Horny Hoff" for him and his dubious, middle-aged-David-Hasselhoff charm, and mission to make me his 4th wife. Yikes!!), losing each other in the water and giving each other the answers to the final test. Thanks to that class, he and his Irish buddy, Derek, (an ex-professional rugby player), became my lucky charms during my stay on the islands (excuse the Irish puns; i cant help myself). Night BBQ's, Tiger beer, good company, coconut oil...this was def the first time my trip felt like a VACATION!

Cameron Highlands was great and all, but I'm a beach girl and have been without them for too long. It was time for me to head east to the beautiful Perhentian Islands, which are world reknowned for its scuba diving. I spent a week doing absolutely nothing there. No bargaining with cab drivers. No blogging or writing emails. No waking up early. No sightseeing. My toughest decision was whether to drink a papaya or mango shake. I stayed in a cheap bungalow with a mattress, a mosquito net and 4 Finnish guys. Life was good.


I came to the islands at the perfect time: mother turtles were making their nightly journeys on the sand to lay their eggs. By morning, baby turtles were trying to break their shells and crawl in the water. The locals don't let tourists watch the females at night as to not disturb them with camara flashes, but they do let us see the baby turtles hatch in the dayttime. They're no bigger than my palm and are unbelievably adorable.



My only complaint was that there were way too many couples on the island and I was later told that it is one of the top honeymoon destinations for Europeans. Not a place for a single American. *le sigh*

P.S. I'm pretty bummed that my digi camara is still taking super fuzzy pics, so all of these pics are taken with a crappy disposable camara that really doesnt show how gorgeous this island is. :(

A salad bowl or tea plantation?

The main thing to do here is explore the jungles, which is what I did. I took on some trails through the jungle that led me to the most picturesque places like giant waterfalls and little streams. Once at the top of a hill, I found acres of tea plantations and local farmers waving me hello. It almost felt like I had discovered a secret little village.

The Chinese shrine at the top of the jungle trail.

It was in Cameron Highlands that I met an amazing English woman well in her 70's. She was travelling from Europe to Asia, alone, on a motorbike. She;s been on the road for 16 months now and has to plan her trip accoridng to the monsoon season, "becuase driving this bike on muddy dirt roads is not like having a laugh." Here's to you, old-daredevil-Bristish-motorcycle-lady!

These gals spotted me in their local market and asked if they could snap a shot with me.

People genuinely wanted to help me find the perfect place to stay, or wanted to have dinner with me, or wanted to know what Cuban culture is like. Malaysia is one of the easiest places in Asia to meet and truly bond with the locals. Generally, there's no agenda or scam. They're just genuinely curious.When I needed to get to an ATM that was 40 KM away (I was in a tiny fisherman village), one of the local girls offered to drive me to it, instead of me paying for a taxi. After giving her a million thanks and secretly slipping some money in her dashboard, she drove me and we had one of the best conversations. I was asking her about Islamic culture (she was Muslim) and about life in Malaysia. There's so much I didn't know:

• Dogs are considered filthy. Muslims aren't allowed to touch them, but cats are OK.
• It's completely legal, socially accepted, and popular for a Muslim man to have many wives.
• In Malaysia, the police follow Muslim law. They will arrest a Muslim if they are drinking or eating pork, both of which are strictly prohibited.
• At the mall, movie theater, and other public places, lines are seperated by gender: one cashier is for men, and the other for women.
• Malaysians have pet monkeys to climb their palm trees and collect coconuts.

The Malaysian family I had lunch with. The girl on the left with the blue head gear was the one who drove me to the local market to buy fresh coconuts.

On the islands, one of the many locals I bonded with was a 22 year-old guy who loved to play me his guitar. Even though he knew how bad of a singer I was, he still made me sing along with him. That was the catch. He played, I sang. A few Jack Johnsons, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Tracy Champman's later, and we were laughing like we knew each other for years. It was one of those warm fuzzy Hallmark card/Lifetime movie moments.

Me and Wan, a local from the islands was always sweet with me by having dinner together and giving extra chocolate on my pancakes. (*^_^)

I took the bus from Singapore to Malaysia with an American guy I met in my hostel. He's one of those well-to-do business types who made millions in his twenties (!!) by owning his own futon business (how random is that?!). He said he got burned out from the lifestyle, the "fake people who stick around when you're cool," the stress and, admirably, left it all.

He sold everything he owned--the house, the Porsche, the yacht, so he could travel Australia and Asia. Now he supports himself with the oddjob here and there like picking fruit, working as a carny at a local fair, painting with the Aborigines... Far from the power lunches and suits he was used to in the States--now he was sharing his butter knife with me, a hopeless gypsy, and my peanut butter on a $2.50 bus to Malaysia.

I've found loads of people like him in the past year. People with incredible stories who I just dont get to meet when I'm home. There's always a hint of desperation with them...and restlessness. If I met any of these people while I was still in college, I probably still would've thought they were amazing, but that their lives of travelling were impossible for a nobody like me. Thanks to people like him, I've changed my mind.

We arrived in Kuala Lumpar, Malaysia's capital just long enough to sleep, eat DELISH Indian food and look at the world's 2nd tallest building in the world, the Petronas Towers. But, Oh no!!!! My digi camara wasnt working! I couldnt take a pic of the towers and I still havent managed to fix it, so all my pics starting from Malaysia are a bit crap b/c i'm using those cheap-o disposable camaras. :(

There's not much to write about Kuala Lumpar:
Ridiculous Traffic + No Traffic Laws + Pollution + Lots O' Cheap Shopping + A Chinatown = A Big Asian City

The next day, I took the bus up north for some jungle trekking and tea!

The ridiculously posh Raffles Hotel in Singapore.

If you're in the mood to go "shopping" for a religion, Singapore is one of the best places to do it. It's a surprisingly religous nation, but not comprosed of a dominant one like so many other countries (read: USA and Christianity). From what I could tell in the few days there, there's a large Islamic, Buddhist, Hindu and Christian population and they all play seemingly equal parts in Singaporian culture. Admittedly, I've never been exposed to Hinduism or Islam, apart from the superficial things like pictures, movies and strangers on the street who wear the clothes. Even though I've never fell for the media hype in the States that likes to typecast Muslims as "terrorists," I also never had any desire to seek a deeper understanding of them either. Thankfully, Singapore is the first place I've ever been to where Muslims made up a large part of the population.

Without getting to much into it. i was suprised to learn that Allah is essentilly the same God that Christians pray to. The fundamental difference is that they don't believe in the Holy Trinity or Jesus as the son of God. They do believe that he is a divine prophet though and that Mary was divine as well. Both religions demand that worshippers commit themselves to their one God. I know I only got a superficial glance at Islam, but it's not as different from Christianity as I previously thought.

As soon as I arrived in Singapore, I dropped my bags off and wandered the streets. My hostel was located in the middle of Little India which was easily one of the most fascinating experiences I've ever had in Asia. For starters, Little India was crowded with so many people and they all were men! I really was the only woman I saw in the whole market, but surprisingly, I didn't feel threatened in the least. Not only was I safe, but no one was even payoing attention to me, whcih was so refreshing fresh out of China. Did you know that heterosexual Indian men hold hands and it's not considered gay like the Western world perceieves it?

An Indian woman in a Hindu temple, drawing religous pictures with chalk.

The atmosphere was so lively and energetic. Nagchampa incense smoke was burning from within the little mom-and-pop shops that sold Henna ink, elephant statues, lotus flower garlands to donate to the temples. The deeper I got in the market,m the more enthralled I was. I stumbled upon a Hindu temple that was doing the Sunday nigt serv\vice. People were eating rice on the floor with their bare hands while I was staring at all the statues. Maybe I saw one too many Buddhist temples in japan, with teh same plain black, white and brown woods, but I fell in love with the bright colors and graphic statues that this temple had. I wa sso lucky becaused they were doing a special festival that night where they put one of the statues of their goddesses on a float in the middle of the street. One of the minsters lit a plate of vegetables and offered it to the goddess. Even in this traditional ritual, hundreds of Indian men were snapping shots with their cell phones. Being exposed to Indian culture so much, eating the curries (the cheese naan was amazing!), listening to the music, meeting the people really piqued my interest to go to India some time soon!

Maybe San Diego has one of the world's largest zoo'z, but Singapore's night safari defintely makes it the most interesting zoo. Some English girls in my hostel and I went to see what it was all about.

You get in and they herd you in this outdoor arena lit up by dim green and red lights. I was expecting the normal stuff like feeding lions and what not, but what came out was much cooler. All the animals in the show are obviously nocturnal and they do tricks that don't suck. Three otters came on stage to seperate the paper and plastic trash into recycle bins. A leopard caught his prey in the dark from a tall, impossible tree.


After the show, they took us on a tram ride through the massive zoo. Since everything is in the dark, we could only see the animals under sensitive lights placed far enough away to bother them, but close enough for us to see them. The vultures twitched their wings. The owls almost turned their heads backwards to see us. The hyenas circled their caves nervuosly. The lions yawned when we passed.

What make's Singapore's Night safari so unique is that it's the most animal-conscious zoo I've ever been to. Absolutely NO animals were confined in cages or degraded in any way. If anything, it felt like we, the humans, were the ones confined within the tiny trams we squeezed into, driving through the narrow dirt paths that seperated us from the animals with electric fences. That was it. No cages. No fake rocks or fake trees. They had no bedtime.

The zoo clearly knows it's awesome and was trying to convince us, the tourists, to be the same by being environmentally aware. "This species is killed by the thousands every year. We can protect them by doing more of so and so," The zoo keepers in the show and tram ride would throw in little messagesd like, "This species is killed by the thousands every year. We can protect them by doing more of this," and, "The earth is changing at an alarming rate and we can change that by recycling."

Singapore zoo's Night Safari gets two BIG toe-thumbs up from me!

I loooove these icy-fruity-slushy-desserts.

Singapore reminds me of Miami. They both are hot, sticky and humid; have tons of palm trees and men selling mangos on the street; have a large and diverse culture; and pink and yellow buildings are all over the place in both cities. All you have to do is subtract the Cubans and replace them with Indians and you've got yourself a nice little replica!

Maybe that's why I was so impressed with Singapore. It's the only Asian county I've been to that can TRULY classify itself as diverse. There's a large Chinese, Muslim, Indian and Western population and each of their religions are equally prominent: Islam, Hindu and Christiantiy

* * Woo Hoo!!! I've uploaded my China pictures on my website. Click here! Plus, I added pics on my previous posts, scroll down to take a look. * *

It's no surprise to those close to me that I'll try just about anything once, and I'm especially interested in quirky, sometimes strange things (fortune tellers, ghosts). That's why I couldn't resist trying out some good 'ol traditional Chinese medicine. Acupuncture? Sure! Fire cupping? Oookay!

So, I set up an hour long appointment with a local Chinese doctor, a little lady who wore panty hose socks and a long flowery dress. She felt more like my grandma than a doctor, so I felt like I was in safe hands. The agenda for the day would be to release the tension in my neck, shoulders and upper back by inserting long, thin needles in my pressure points (acupuncture) and suctioning my skin with small cups (fire cupping).

In less than 5 minutes, she had stuck about 10 needles starting from the ends of both of my hands, up my arms until they met up to my neck. I couldn't feel most of them, but the few that I could feel were a little uncomfortable because they were piercing my nerves. The trick to the whole procedure is that I'm supposed to lay with the needles in my body for about 20 minutes, so I couldn't feel them after awhile. Of course, all of that changed when she'd stepped back into the room, twisting each of them. When the 20 minutes were up, she pulled them out and started on the fire cupping.

She lit the outer rims of tiny cups (think candle holders that you put tea lights in) to activate the sticky substance outlining it. Then, in one quick action, she put it on my skin while twisting it. This formed a sort of vacuum that suctioned the cup to my body. Again with the waiting. 25 minutes passed before she pulled each on off, creating a farting sound that made me want to giggle, but for fear of tempting the Chinese gods, I controlled myself.

My appointment finished, and I met back up with Jamie and Ben to show them my battle wounds. "You look like you got attacked by an octopus!" Jamie said. These circle bruises stayed on my body for about 4 days. Did it work? Hmmmm... Well, I only did one treatment, so I wasn't expecting a whole lot. I did feel like someone punched my back, but I'm not sure that it made me feel more relaxed. It was fun to try though!

We couldn't stay put in Shanghai, so we took another daytrip to a little town called Suzhou, which is allegedly the Venice of China. It's featured in the book, 1,000 Places to See Before You Die, and I can understand why because the whole town is built over canals. I've never been to Venice, but this town looked a lot like the pictures I've seen of it. We went to yet another garden that is world-reknowned for the immaculate positioning of all the brdges, plants, buildings, etc. So feng shui.

Pathways were built in a zig-zag to prevent bad spirits from coming in. Poeple used to believe that spirits could only walk a straight path.

Since Shanghai is just another big 'ol city, Ben, Jamie, Adam, and I took a daytrip to Hanzhou, which is famous for its gardens.

It would've been just another day of sightseeing, except that we decided to rent bikes. What a fabulous idea!! Even though China is ridiculoulsy hot right now, the breeze on the bike was our saviour.


It was a pretty lazy day of us hopping off our bikes to eat, take pictures or drink a beer. There were some steep bridges we had to get over that made us have races to see who would get to the bottom first.

I got Mao's Revenge today. They call it that b/c he was their big communist leader that all the Chinese adored 30 years ago or so. Apparehently, he comes back from the dead in the form of watery poo and dumpling chunks. I'm in Shanghai, and have done almost everything there is to do here, so am just waiting to leave in a few days to Singapore. In the meantime, I'll try my best to get my pictures uploaded.

Jamie, her friend Ben, and I set out to Shanghai on another overnight train. This one was much nicer than the first one I took with Selena. Not as much spitting on the floor and the bathrooms didnt make us want to puke. Looked like we were on a good start! Jamie and I got the top bunks of our sleepers, which made us turn into little girls giggling at a slumber party. "Take a picture of me with my head squished by the ceiling!! tee-hee-hee!"


What's Shanghai like? If you can imagine a city fashioned after Batman's Gothic City, well, Shanghai would be it. As Ben commented, there were too many tall buidlings. It's hard to imagine how much concrete and steel was used to make everything that it almost takes on a fake-like quality that's quite impressive. By night, the skyline seen from both sides of the river that runs through it is stunning. A synchronized light show from the Pearl Tower, the 3rd tallest building in the world, colors the boats cruising the river below. The endless erray of open air cafes makes the whole business area much more apporachable, touristy and even glitzy. It's so modern. It's so Westernized. It's so hard to believe that this is China.



There's really not many historic places to see in Shanghai, so the highlights of our stay in Shanghai ended up being the food and day trips outside of Shanghai. Although we did visit some nice gardens, a Daoist shrine, the Bund, Nannjing Road, and other scenic streets.

Visiting Jamie in Tianjin was slightly surreal seeing how I haven't been around that many Americans in a year. She was doing my university's, FSU (Florida State Univ.), study abroad program with around 100 other students, so I was surrounded by college-aged Floridians the whole time I was there. In so many ways, it felt like I was back home:

• In Florida, the only remedy to a sweltering humid afternoon is to go to the pool or beach. In Tianjin, the only remedy to a sweltering humid afternoon is to play with water guns and water balloons.
• In Florida, the best way to celebrate the end of final exams is to drink cheap beer. In Tianjin, the best way to celebrate the end of final exams is to drink cheap beer.
• In Florida, the night is not complete until the group has made the obligatory food run to the nearest, late-night cheap place. (See: Hungry Howie's, McDonald's) In Tianjin, the night is not complete until the group has made the obligatory food run to the nearest, cheap place. (See: the guy selling fried dumplings on the road, McDonald's)
• In Florida, on the next morning, you laugh at others, exchange pictures, and swear it will be your last time doing all things mentioned above. In Tianjin, on the next morning, you laugh at others, exchange pictures, and swear it will be your last time doing all things mentioned above.
  

I'm glad I got to see Jamie, even if I caught her at a stressful time. She's decided to stay in China until December to teach English, so she was mega busy getting her new life together. Good luck with that and thanks for being the hostess with the mostess!!

A "secret" and unrestored part of the wall.

We did all the touristy stuff in Beijing. The Forbidden City, Tiannamen Square, market shopping and of course the Great Wall.


So, this is where I am now, Tianjin, the place where my friend Jamie is a student at the FSU study abroad program. I've got to meet most of her friends here, and it's been a nice reintroduction to Floridians, especially crazy college kids. :0) We'll be here for a few more days until we decide on a new town to travel to. More on that later.

Disclaimer: This is long.

Maybe we've been in China for only a week, but it seems loads longer considering how much Selena and I've done. We've wanted to blog about it sooner, but we didn't know that communist China would block all blogs from public servers, so I'm sorting writing this post in a backwards way.

Getting on that boat to China was my pot of gold at the end of rainbow. When the post office in Japan was giving me hell about what I could and couldn't send home, I'd close my eyes and think about the boat. When my Japanese friends tried to make me feel guilty about leaving after, "only one year."....the boat...When I rode my bike to school in torrential rain, dropped my farewell gifts (cakes) to the teachers in school in a puddle of dirty water, and no one offered to help me...the boat...When my supervisor didn't want to help me with important Japanese government papers...the boat...

28 hours later, Selena and I arrived in Qingdao, China, a medium-sized port town in between Beijing and Shanghai. The Germans colonized it way back in the day, but the buildings and streets still feel surprisingly European. There's not much in the way of sightseeing, just nice beaches and China's arguably most famous beer, Tsingtao beer.


Luckily for us, one of my Japanese friend's brother lives in Qingdao and in good Japanese form, gave us all his contact info to meet. His name is Kenji and we had absolutely no idea that the would lead us to one of the best adventures we could've ever wished for in this otherwise unremarkable town. One phone call later, he comes to our hostel and had his personal driver pick us up and take us to this nice Chinese restaurant . His Chinese translator/friend joins us and she just happened to be our age and a socialite. From that night on, Kenji and his translator, Catherine, were like our own personal tour guides/chauffeurs/translators for the rest of our trip.

They took us out every night for dinner, and something special after. There was the free 2 1/2 hour full-body massage where they put hot ginger packs on our legs that left them stinging all night. There was dinner at a spicy Chinese restaurant with shrimp that you boil in chili water. 20 minutes after eating a few of those suckers and your lips turn from tingling to just numb. It was the best meal Ive had in China yet. There was the manic club with a bouncy floor, tiny fly girls, and a performance by an ambiguously gay pop star. There was the gothic bar with Koreans and sketchy Chinese men with young girls. A cultural experience indeed. Before leaving we met some French guys who live in Qingdao and had a little dinner party at theor party. It was all pretty random, but nice to bond with them and know that they didn't perpetuate the "French stereotype." ;)




Our whole stay in Qingdao was the best introduction to China we could've ever asked for!

The most striking thing about China is that there's life spilling all over the streets. Sure the streets smell like piss and rotten garbage, but the people play card games on plastic tables and mini chairs. Sure people don't form lines and push if they need to, but they laugh loudly, smile freely, and walk hand in hand with their friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. Sure, the air is dirty and your tissue are dark green after blowing your nose, but people like foreigners and aren't shy to approach them, even if they don't know any English. Life is everywhere here and anything goes. Eating on the sidewalk. Sleeping on concrete ledges. "Potty training" kids without diapers, only pants with slits in the back.

It's really hard for me not to compare the Japanese to the Chinese, although it hardly seems fair b/c they really are complete opposites. I may not be much of an authority on Chinese culture, but the way the Chinese hold themselves in public says a lot. In general, they aren't afraid to be loud, have many friends of the opposite sex, and are really outgoing, especially to foreigners, while Japanese are quite reserved , shy to speak to foreigners and people of the opposite sex, serious about work, and mechanical with all the polite mannerisms. This is obviously a stereotype and not true of all people, but it just seems like Chinese people are more genuine and sincere.

We took a 28 hour train ride to Beijing and have been doing lots of sightseeing and shopping. Everyone in China is a friggin' businessman (I keep forgetting that it's a communist country). I've bought $1 DVD's (the new Superman!!) from a guy's apartment; fake Puma's for $10; a "Max Mara" trenchcoat for $20... Everything is fake and cheap. As far as sightseeing goes, we've done markets, the Forbidden Palace, the Temple of Heaven, Tianmanen Square, and we're going to see an acrobat show tonight and climb the Great Wall tomorrow. The hostel we're staying at rocks the casbah and they're are tons of backpackers from all over the world. It's been good ammo for interviewing for my new blog. I'll try to upload pics in the next couple of weeks.

I've mailed my stuff home, received all my cash from work, said goodbye to friends and co-workers, packed my backpack, made my farewell speeches, got my next trip ready, went bonkers a few times, organized everything for my successor, started my new blog (but, its not ready to be shown to anyone yet. sorry for the delay!); and have answered the, "What are you going to do next?" question a million times. I suppose I should probably spell it out on my blog too. The answer is, I don't have any concrete plans, just ideas in my noggin.

All I know is that I'm about to backpack Eastern Asia for the next couple months or so, until my money runs out. This is what I've got so far (these details will probably bore the JETS who might be reading this, so this is mainly for the peeps back home):

• Selena (another JET) and I are taking the boat to Qingdao, China on July 22.


• We'll make our way to Beijing


• From Beijing, Selena and I will split up and I'll go down to Tianjin to meet up with Jaime (a friend from home) who's studying abroad there


• We'll go to Shanghai and explore some towns along the way


• From Shanghai, I'll fly to Singapore, Jamie will fly back to Florida


• Once I get to Singapore, I won't have any plans or schedules. I'm totally up for anything...


• Get scuba certified in Malaysia?


• Take massage classes in Thailand?


• Learn organic farming in Laos?


• Volunteer in Cambodia?


• My flight back to the States leaves from Saigon, Vietnam. I got an around the world ticket, but am sticking to Asia and North America, so it only takes me to Hong Kong, Los Angeles (maybe visit the family?), Dallas, then to Jacksonville, Florida


• PHEW!! Recover from jet lag, curl up and die.


• Spend time at home, eat lots of damn good food (get ready Lili), deal with reverse culture shock (have shampoo bottles always been that big?!?), catch up with friends (Mandarin Ale house, anyone?) , etc...
  
• Find a job! I'm looking at magazine companies in particular, but anything in marketing will do. If you're reading this, and have heard of anything opening up in Jacksonville, could you please keep me in mind?

These are mainly juust ideas. Who knows? I may run out of money the 2nd week I get to China! Regardless, there will start be something to look forward to and that's going home. All I can say, is that the next few days are going to be exciting. :) I will be blogging during my trip, so be sure to keep checking it because I probably won't be sending emails.

wow, i cant believe I'm still blogging. So busy, but I want to keep posting so that when I look back on all of this, I can still remember! I've said goodbye to all my schools and theyve been so sweet. Long story short, i had to give the farewell speech to my main high school in English and Japanese, which turned out pretty well. Here they all are:

My girls in my English club threw me a suprise party, which was pretty funny b/c if you clivk the picture, you can see that one of them drew a picture of Doraeman crying (he's a famous Japanese anime character who is a blue robot). hehehee

While their intentions were sweet, they still managed to misspell my name on the cake. Looks like my job teaching English here is done.

Read rule #4. You'll poke your eye out.


We accept cledit cards. Sank you.


The lady doesn't lie.


Those cats look out of of control.


Customer service at its finest.


OK, so the English is fine, but how disturbing is this billboard? "Children of the Corn", Japanese style.


"Why would any kid do this?" --David M.


A sexy pizza.


ummmm...?


I am never guilty, wrong, loud, rude, nude, obnoxious, spastic, or abusive when I drink.

Here's an idea one of my student's came up with for a newspaper we made in class. It sort of reminds me of that 80's movie, "Weird Science." Ever seen it? Click to make it larger.

...how lucky I am to be a native English speaker. It may not be the most widely spoken language in the world, but it sure as hell is the most international. If you were in a room full of Germans, Mexicans and Chinese, I'd bet they'd try to converse in whatever English they know, not in their native tongue.

...how undeniably hard it is to learn English. I know too many Japanese that would give anything to be fluent, so they study every day for 10-20 years and still can't hold a decent convo. They work so hard, but can't seem to grasp it. I have an even deepened respect and admiration for every single immigrant in the USA, including my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. To move to another country, learn the language, and be successful...damn. I've got to hand it to you.

In the U.S., I may chew your head off if:


• you get angry when someone can't speak English


• you tell an immigrant to, "Learn English or go back to the country you came from!" (I've actually heard too many people say this back home, including some of my friends). What the hell do you think they're trying to do? You can't learn a new language, get a job, learn all the new social norms, support yourself and even a family, and everything else overnight. It takes YEARS. Be patient. Get over it.


• you think the government is "wasting" tax dollars to make important official documents in several languages.

Think about it, I'm an educated, childless, unmarried college graduate, from a developed country, already bilingual in English and Spanish, and for me, learning a whole new language was SO time-consuming and difficult. Honestly, I didn't get that far in one year. If you're a poor, uneducated immigrant from (insert any 3rd world country here), only fluent in your native language, and you come to America, imagine how much harder the obstacles must be for them. Double that if they have children and a spouse to support. Oh, and don't kid yourself: the USA would become extinct if there weren't illegal and legal immigrants. Who'll build roads and bridges? Who'll work on the farms? Who'll fix your car? Not your average ivy-league alumni.

...to have faith in not having any answers. The fact that I did the JET program for no particular reason other than to travel, forced me to believe that there was something more for me here. I found that there actually is. A lot of my friends here are a major inspiration for me. The fact that I'm OK with leaving Japan with no real plans--just faith, proves that.

...how to be a good sport. There were too many times when I was asked to do something that I didn't want to do. Wear a florescent butterfly costume to school? Sure. Go skiing at 5AM with a killer cold, and the vice principal? OK. Ride my bike in snow or a typhoon? Yes. Give an impromptu speech in Japanese and English to the entire staff at school? Fine.

..how to be responsible, really. Probably to the point of, "being a grandma," as Steph said, but it's a new characteristic for me. So, I'm still trying to learn how to balance it. Living alone, paying off all my debts and actually making progress, making a whole new social group, etc, on my own. Seemingly impossible and rewarding at the same time.

...to be patient. Things will start to make sense and the world doesn’t owe me anything.

...what I don't want my life to be. I don't want to work 12 hour days all year with no vacations. I don't want to inhale my lunch and dinner in 15 minutes. I don't want to have so many social rules over me. I don’t want to have such distant relationships and friendships, where the only way to communicate is by texting on a cell phone. I don’t want to see my husband (?), boyfriend only on the weekends because we're just too busy to catch up during the week. I don't want to send my children (?) through a school system that teaches students to conform, follow the rules, and above all, not to think for themselves. I don’t want to feel undesirable just because I have an opinion, am loud sometimes, and independent. I don't want to be "cute." I don't want to talk in a high-pitched, nasally voice and giggle over everything a guy says. I don’t want to care what the neighbors think. I don't want to be obsessive over the time and being "on time." I don't want to live in a homogenous society. I don’t want to separate my trash into 6 different bins.

...to slow down a bit. I eat slower. I walk slower. Now if I could just talk slower. :)

...that I love the USA, but that's it's also overrated. Also, where Japan lies on one extreme of the spectrum--too much of the group mentality, people are sooo considerate of others that they neglect themselves too much, non-individualistic, bizarre, small everything, work too much--the U.S. lies on the opposite extreme--too much of the independent mentality, people are too self-centered/focused on themselves that they neglect their groups too much, bizarre, big everything, work too much.

...that I have a clearer understanding of what life really means.

"I felt that coming to Japan would just be a break from real life. Now I have found myself more aware of what my real life is and a lot of what I was doing back home now appears unimportant." ~anonymous, The Jet Journal

This was the official last hoorah for the 'Guch JETS of 2005-2006. Sure, half of us will stay in Japan, but the other half are leaving the cozy bubble that is the JET program. To commerate it all, we had a farewell party. We did the usual: all you can eat (the Italian restaurant we went to was DELISH), all you can drink, karaoke, and a lot more.
There were the ZenZen Awards which basically created some categories for a few lucky JETS to win like "Most Turning Japanese," "Last Person Standing at the End of the Night," etc.
There were the Japanese trains that we invaded by playing foot limbo.
There was Tom Smith and his amazing flexibility when he dances.*
There was saying goodbye to my friends. :(

*Tom Smith, the man, the myth, the legend. Just give him a few beers and he'll be all over the dancefloor in seconds. He's notorious for picking up girls, knocking chairs over with their legs and making them show a little more then they want to when he flings them in the air. (^_-) What can I say? Consider it my farewell omiyage (gift) to you.

Thanks to Lousie, we had a summer kimono party, which marked one of the last times all of the 'Guch JETS would be together before so many of us leave Japan. That could've explained the somewhat surreal aura about that night, or maybe it was just the fact that we were all having dinner at an Italian restaurant that just so happened to be next to a Catholic church--a church that kept ringing it's bells every 20 minutes in Buddhist Japan. Im amazed at how "normal" many things have become to me. The puffy gloves that old ladies wear when they ride their bikes; the sucking through the teeth to express awkwardness; all of the jelly fish products. Yet, the setting of that night did strike Becky I. and I as a little odd, but it's the Japan that we know: bizaare. We had a 2 hour nomihodai (all you can drink) before setting out to the next venue: another nomihodai at an izakaya (a family/drinking retsaurant). Everyone looked so composed and even elegant in the beginning of the night, but you could see everyone's slowly falling apart at this point of the night. Like all good nights, we ended in a karaoke room, singing bad Queen songs.

Highlights from the blurry night:


• Ross, obliterated by 10PM, eating someone else's meal. Later got a glass of freezing water poured over his head by El Dibalo.


• Nate playing Nintendo in a seperate roms with little kids. He was allegedlly heard trying to convince a 5-year old that he was Mario from the"Super Mario Brothers" game whilst doing a borderline racist Italian impression.


• El Diablo passed out under the table.

My time here is almost up and it seems only appropriate to finally upload my pictures of the fun times I've had in Japan with the other JETS and the Japanese. If I have ever hung out with you, you're more than likely on my website. Some of the pics are innocent, some are embarrassing, some are risque, some are just retarded.

Here's to all the fun, degrading, humilitaing times we've had with each other. We may have gone too far with some of our antics, forcing some to cry themselves to sleep, only to laugh about it the next morning when their dignity has been recovered (somewhat). Hey, but it made a good story, right?!

Danger: This is not for the weak, faint-hearted, conservative, humorless or lazy (there are 150+ pics!). Click at your own risk! ;)

The Hall of Shame: Your life will NEVER be the same.

Here's a preview:



P.S. Don't sue me.

P.S.S. Mami & Papi, don't worry.

I'm currently in the slooow process of making a new blog/online writing portfolio. One of the themes is about how and why the world perceives Americans the way they do. I'd be your bestest friend in the whole wide world if you could please contribute! Here's an email I sent out to some so far:

I'm writing articles/stories about the stereotypes that the world,
particularly non-American Westerners (Europeans, Canadians, Ozzies, Kiwis, etc.),
have about the U.S. Some are probably quite true. Some are way off,
but the point is to explore why these stereotypes came about and how
much truth there is to them. I'll post them on a new blog as I
finish.

If you have 5 minutes to spare, could you please tell me any
experiences that you've either had with an American or in the States
(if you have ever been) that left you with a bad taste about the
U.S.A. OR something that you think is uniquely American and/or quirky
(it doesn't have to be negative)?

What I'm looking for are detailed quotes of specific examples that can
show why the world laughs at, pities or scoffs at the U.S.A. Think of
it as a research project for me: you give me a topic (your experience
with American culture), I'll do some homework and write about it.

Bad Quote Example:
"I met an American guy who didn't know where the Rocky Mountains are."
This is too general and could just mean that the guy you talked to was
not the brightest Crayon in the box, and not necessarily because of
his culture.

Good Quote Example:
"I had a layover in the Los Angeles International Airport and was
looking for a book about history or politics to read for my next
flight, but all the bookstore had were books on U.S. history and
politics."
This is a very credible since it can't be refuted and most Americans
would never notice something like this if it weren't brought to
his/her attention.

Thanks A LOT as this is really important to me and hopefully to someone
who might read this in the future! Sorry this is SO long!!

Check this article out:

Japanese fan hangs himself for nation`s dismal WC performance

Taipei, June 25: A Japanese man hanged himself in Taiwan today after the Asian Champions failed to secure a single victory in the World Cup, a report said.

The 60-year-old man identified as Yoshio Takanashi was found dead at the home of his Taiwanese wife`s parents in the city of Taichung, the Cable Televisin News Network Ettoday reported.

It said his wife told police that her husband had stopped watching television following Japan`s dismal performance in the competition.

The team failed to secure a victory in Germany, losing to Australia, drawing with Croatia and losing again to champions Brazil

Sorry for my lack of blogging lately. My friend from home, Lauren, is visiting me, so we’ve been spending most our time catching up and what not. We still crack up when we think about how we became friends and how happy we are that we kept in touch. Lauren was my roommate in London 2 years ago when we were studying abroad. She just so happened to do another study abroad program in Tokyo and came all the way to the ‘Guch to visit me. What have we been getting up to? The same antics as usual. Taking day trips, eating lots of good junk food (strawberry Pocky and I’ve got her addicted to my fave Indian restaurant), teasing each other..yaddi-yaddi-yadda.

I think that she’s liking how much more laidback Tokuyama is compared with Tokyo. We went to the beach and watched some Japanese people windsurfing until some Russian guys invited us for a friendly game of volleyball. Random, huh? Another JET in that area, Tammy, took us to a little sandwich joint and later that night, we met up for a beer garden (all you can eat and drink) and karaoke. This is exactly how I remembered Japan to be like when I first got here last summer. Lots of eating and drinking at izakayas and beer gardens, being outdoors, and just being around lots of good people. I love being here in the summer!

Besides lounging around, we watched Japan play Croatia at a restaurant around my place. Just like many other things, most of the Japanese there were FANATICAL about the game. War paint, jerseys, flags, air horns, chanting and all.
It was funny to watch them until the game ended and we all realized that team Japan sort of blew it. No score. No glory. It didn’t end our fun though because we all went outside to the big square and laughed at the drunken guys.


The stereotype is true: Japanese people cannot hold their liquor. 2, maybe 3 drinks tops, and their off their red faces, yelling, grabbing each other and making hilarious fools out of themselves. It’s not uncommon to see nudity at some point, as we did that night. As Lauren put it, there were, “Man-ginas.”

There was an earthquake really early last Monday morning. It felt like a dream and I was annoyed that it woke me up, but it wasn't too big. My apartment is fine and so am I! Read more about it here.

Here's the view from one of my schools out in the sticks.

Last weekend was the soccer tournament in Awajishima (an island close to Kobe). About 12 teams from Western Japan came out to compete, and what do u know??? Yamaguchi girls placed 2nd (only to be beat by those biznatchies Osaka..i am a good sport most of the time, but they were such animals on the field)!!! As my luck goes, I sprained my ankle on the very first day, during the very first game on a team that wasn't even mine (i was helping Shimane team by subbing..i guess this is what i get?! hehe). The weekend was highlighted by some good onsen action overlooking the longest suspension bridge in the world (the one connecting Shikouka island to the rest of mainland Japan). The little cute naked girl following me to speak English was a cool bonus too. As usual, we spent Sat. night hanging out, and playing dubious drinking games where some secrets were revealed, some nasty concoctions were drunk, and pool tables were danced on. Even if my ankle puffed out like a hot marshmallow by the end of the weekend, it was well worth it!

P.S. Can you spot "the hairy caterpillar" in the picture?

The recontracting conference is for JETS all over Japan to meet in Kobe for 3 days of unrestrained mania and I suppose there's some workshops squeezed in there somewhere. As everyone knows by now, I was lucky enough to go even though I'm not staying on the program for a second year. I quite possibly could be the only person in JET history to pull off such a scheme, but I still stand by my alibi: I was innocently forced! You see, I canceled my 2nd contract a couple of weeks before the conference, leaving my boss, in true Japanese fashion, apprehensive about changing the original plans. He sent me off anyway.

I'm really glad I did because if nothing else, it was the best and probably last chance I will get to see everyone, from my prefecture and all others from Western Japan, at the same place and time. Even better as it was El Diablo and Hannah-channah's birthdays. Good convo, long nights, stolen wheelchairs, indoor fountain swimming, Japanese cheerleaders, over-priced Indian food, missed workshops, bad karaoke, spastic dancing...oh dear.

Why did I quit? Long story short, I cant pay my bills back home and travel at the same time. It's hard for me to justify another year here, in my non-descript town (remember, no trips), while the rest of my life is on a backburner. Especially when they're other things I'd rather be doing than teaching, and other places I want to go to other than Japan. I'll be going home to take care of business ASAP so I can do another adventure like this, but more specific to what I want, while I'm still young, single and crazy. :) Ironically, the conference only made me that much more confident in my decision because a lot of the 'Guch JETS approached (read: interrogated) me about my rationale for leaving.

Sidenote: I found it interesting that not only did some of these people rarely/never talk to me any other time of the year, but also insinuated that I was making a bad decision b/c it's too responsible for someone my age--kinda like, "Don't worry about that, take care of your bills after the 2nd year finishes." To add insult to injury, a rumor spread that I'm going home b/c of my family. FALSE!

I was left having to defend and explain myself for a choice that leaves me quite satisfied and resolved. Yet, there have been a few who have expressed genuine regards in me leaving and not questioning my motives. My sincerest "thanks" to those. To the others, well....

I'm normally a big advocate of not fueling the fire by publishing a scandal on a blog (so my apologies for the emotional diarrhea), but I had to make an exception for this one. I don't want to leave the country misunderstood.

After that day in school, we took day trips to a little island called Miyajima, which is one of the most scenic spots in Japan with its floating red gate in the middle of the ocean. We spent the day lazily walking around and eating those little pancakes filled with cheese..mmm. The next day, we we went to Hiroshima for the A-Bomb Dome and museum. It really is true: you can spend a whole day in that museum if the details dont make you leave first. It's super detailed (with saved fingernails and pieces of skin), but obviously really compelling. The next day, I said goodbye to my family and generally spent the morning in disbelief that their trip felt so short. I'm really glad that they got to see what my life is like here b/c it really is hard to put it all into words on the phone, blog, emails, etc. Thanks for coming out!

...and I was already putting my family to work! I took them to Yaji Shogakko, one of my elementery schools, to meet my kids. They went to all my classes, helped me teach them the body parts in english, eat lunch with them and play with them during recess. My principal, who ive always thought was sweeter than anything, made sure that my fam felt at home by showing us shodo (Japanese calligraphy). He also took us to a local shrine that I didnt even know existed and printed out some pictures of us. On our way out, the school's nurse, who i really love, gave us a bag of goodies to take home. Sometime, I cant help but feel guilty for how nice Japanese people are to foreigners. The good thing about the day was that my fam now understands why i dote on my kids the way i do--they are seriously the cutest people on the planet.

Since i'm really slacking on the blogging--been feeling especially uninspired lately--i'm going to sort of rush through the rest of the family vacation and let the pics speak for themselves. I finished putting them all on my website, so click here if you're interested.

The rest of Kyoto was just as fun since we happened to stumble upon a festival at one of the most famous temples in Kyoto (the one with all the crimson toriis jam packed on top of a hill). My parents were able to bond with some Japanese people while this old Japanese guy gave my sis and I a free beer. People were dressed in the typical festival fare and were carrying those portable shrines on their backs. By the end of it, some guy who looked like a professional photographer took pics of us.

One of the nights we slept in a temple that had a zen garden in the middle and a huge cemetery outside. Normally the fact would give me the creeps, and at times the wind shaking the tall wooden sticks against each other did give me the creeps. Other wise, it was surprisingly serene. After Kyoto, we went to Kobe for a really short time (like a day and a half) and just walked around the city and went to some sake breweries. At this point, we were exhasuted and were happy to be going to my home in the 'Guch.

The secret's out: I miss Simon Cowell.

Every few months, some JETS in my prefecture publish a crazy magazine called ZenZen. There's usually a literary montage to somebody or something and I happened to be chosen to grace last issue's backcover. It's taken me months to finally get it scanned..sorry for the delay! According to the writers, I look like Simon Cowell's girlfriend. What do you think?


"You know what I take from the back cover of the last ZenZen?
That for people who come from lily-white coun­tries, all Hispanics look the same."
-Paul C.

So maybe it's just a gimmick now, but riding a rickshaw is worth doing at least once to pretend like you're some important geisha or an emperor. The job might be a drag, since these guys have to pull big tourists around in bright sunshine and attempt to make generic English conversations (Where are yuuuuu from?), but our guide was funny enough to joke with my sister about being the poster child for the company on their brochures. He took is through bamboo forests in the outskirts of Kyoto. Once inside, you can find anything from temples to food stands selling octopus to art vendors. We met one particularly cool artist who not only knew some broken English, but also could speak functional Spanish.

According to my guidebook, "Kyoto is a perpetual embarrassment of riches."

Word.

Kyoto was our next destination and a first time for all of us. Even though we stayed there the longest out of any other place we went, we didn't come close to doing it justice. Yea, we saw the Golden Temple. We did a rickshaw ride through bamboo forests. Sure we went geisha hunting. We combed the streets of Gion. But, I get the impression, that unless you live there, you could spend your whole life discovering another national treasure here and there. After all, it was Japan's capital for more than 1,000 years.

We were on a mission to spot a geisha power walking in those clunky clogs, but had no luck. Instead, we hung around the river that runs through the middle of town. All along each side is a row of cafes with paper lanterns dotting the pathways. The massive windows are perfectly situated so that the people eating in the restaurants could look to the river and everyone on the streets can see the perfectly synchronized geishas serving them. The rest of the population was either roaming the narrow alleys or sitting on the sand right next to the river, lighting fireworks or having late night picnics. All the while, the Perez family was standing along the bridge, admiring the scene. This is what seems to set Kyoto apart from most other Japanese cities. It's charming. It's a big city and it's personable. It has everything that any other big city offers while staying comfortably livable.

Now I understand why almost all my students tell me Kyoto it's their favorite Japanese city because now it's mine too (tied with Fukouka).

From Tokyo, we took the bullet train to a little resort area called Hakone that's supposed to have the best views of Mt. Fuji. One of the highlights for my family was just riding the bullet train, which was really impressive for my sister, dad and I, but scared the crap out of my mom!

Too bad it was cloudy in Hakone, so there were no scenic views of Mt. Fuji, but we did manage to walk around in yukatas (summer kimonos) and try the onsens (hot springs). We stayed at a traditional Japanese inn where the owner made us a traditional J. breakfast. Want to write more but am feeling especially lazy. :-/

I'm back from my family vacation in Japan and it was so many things: warm, comfortable, stressful, and everything in between. I've got to give my parents credit for doing something as daring as traveling to Asia (growing up, our idea of a "vacation" was driving 5 hours to Miami to visit family), and my sister..well being the world traveler that she is, it was all just so easy for her. There's so much to write about, so bear with me while I sort out all my thoughts throughout the week. I'll try to cover the main stuff.

I think I've taken for granted how comfortable I am living here because I almost forgot how overwhelming and trying it is to come to Japan--and survive. I really was the tour guide in every sense of the word. "Don't lose this ticket...Put on these indoor shoes...stand to the left..don't touch..." At first, it was frustrating, but once I realized how ridiculously strange Japan is for Westerners, I relaxed. I met them in Tokyo and showed them around Shibuya at nighttime, which puts New York's Time Square to shame. Bright, BRIGHT lights that make it easy to mistake it for daytime.

We stayed in a capsule hotel for the first night so my fam could experice the tiny foam mattresses for themselves. It was a good J-experience, but one night was enough. :) I'm going to upload all the pics from our trip onto my website soon.

One thing that I loved about this trip was that I was reminded how cool Japan really is. I hate to admit it, but it's really lost its appeal for me and I got a bit jaded with this country for a while. I stopped noticing things that are clearly everything BUT American. Worst of all, I stopped asking questions. But once my sister was talking about the crazy lights, polite taxi drivers in white gloves, crowded streets, and just overall gaudy decor surrounding downtown Tokyo, I suddenly got nostalgic for my first few weeks here. That curious awe when I first saw those massive crosswalks coming to meet from 5 directions. The innocent novelty of seeing young Japanese in the tackiest, yet endearing outfits. Beer vending machines. 20-story buildings turned into TV screens. Pachinko parlors (gambling) and space-age arcades at every corner. Brainless techno that could only be enjoyed if you were on 20 pills of speed. Tokyo is the epitome of sensory overload. Like everything else though, the first time is always the best.

What do you get when you find 4 Cubans in Japan? My family and they're coming to Japan for Golden Week (this weekend)!!! To think that it's been 9 months since I've seen them is mind boggling. We start in Tokyo, then to Mt. Fuji for some onsen action (hot springs), Kyoto for the ultimate "Japanese" experience, Kobe for some of that amaaazing beef, Hiroshima to feel sorry for ourselves, Miyajima to pet those stinky deer, and my place in Yamaguchi to take them to my elementary school. And we're bullet train-ing it all the way baby! Well, I'm off. Be back in 2 weeks... (*^_^*)

After camping, we went to an onsen (hot spring) to get so fresh and so clean b/c we were going to a festival in a small town called Tsuwano. People dressed as samurais performed traditional archery on horses.
At the end, there was a taiko (Japanese drums) performance which was really impressive, especially since one of the members was a foreigner. I should write a lot more but am in a lazy mood, so I hope the pics are self-explanatory.

If you like the Simpsons as much as I do, then you probably remember Shelbyville: the neighboring town to Springfield that looked and sounded like Springfield.

The day after Hanami, a big group us from Yamaguchi headed north to go camping with our neighboring prefecture, Shimane.


They were Shelbyville and we were Springfield. They talked like us, acted like us and drank like us. Might I add that there was even an El Diablo in their group? She was Irish, but still "could start a party in a graveyard" just like our own little precious. Together we rocked the casbah out in the middle of the mountains..."roughing it up" although I don't consider heatable toilet seats rough, but whateva. Japan's idea of camping?

A few drinks and tasteless photos later, we managed to eat s'mores, cram 12 of us in a cabin and wake up early next morning, delirious as ever.


I have no idea what's going on here... ;)

"I've got a yosh in my pants!"
-said by everyone

Coming soon: a traditional Japanese archery festival

After all the hype, they're finally here: the cherry blossoms (sakura).


They are in bloom for only about 10 days out of the year, just to come swirling down in a pink petal tornado. Back home, I never gave flowers anything more than a passing compliment, but here, I've become a flower connoisseur. Maybe it's the Japanese's infectious enthusiasm for the pretty pink hues. Or maybe I'm delirious with the pollen. But, one thing is for sure, I'm glad they're here and the best way to experience it is with o-hanami. O-hanami is a glorified picnic. People have them at all times of the day and night, bring a grill, loads of raw meat, veggies, and ridiculously large amounts of alcohol.


Good thing Rosie's birthday fell right during this time, so we had a little o-hanami for her. It was so nice to be back in Hagi, one of the best places in Yamaguchi. It's really good to see this bunch, especially b/c I barely saw any of them during the winter.


Sidenote: Dan showed me the handicap toilets in the park--a regular western-style toilet. No handrails for the handicap. No easy access to the handle. Just a regular toilet (not Japanese squat toilets). Yet another Japanese reminder that gaijin are a little disabled.

Starting now, I'm going to learn as many Japanese insults as possible. Why? Today while riding my bike, I got hit by a motorcycle b/c it thought it would be a good idea to not stop, slow down or even look both ways before passing through my lane--the bike lane, which had the right of way. Physically, I'm completely fine (save a sore tailbone) and my good 'ol grandma bike is still miraculously in good shape. What's bruised is my intellect. Out of complete anger, I wanted to tell him to piss off, but the only words that came out of my mouth were in English and Spanish meshed with polite Japanese (not b/c I wanted to be polite, but b/c it's the only thing I've been taught). I have no idea why. Once I realized how pointless it was to even try to yell at him, an overwhelming feeling of helplessness came over me. In the time I've lived here, have I really not learned any bad words in Japanese?* Shocking. The more I think about it, the most insulting thing I know to say is bokke nasu...in English, "You demented eggplant."

My friends, help a sistah out. Do you know any good insults to teach me? Preferably something along the lines of, "You're a dumbass." If so, send them my way. And believe me, such a noble favor wont go unnoticed.

*In my defense, Japanese doesn't really have "bad" words like English does. Instead, it's much more insulting to disagree with someone or simply take the "please" out of a sentence. What comes out is, by American standards, a very watered-down version of an insult. "What you just did was contradictory!" and "If you think I don't know anything, you're wrong!' are good examples.

I ate raw blowfish and not only did it taste good, but I'm still alive! Evidently, it's supposed to give you a tingling sensation in your back, but I didn't feel anything. Is it just a myth?

Since I'm still getting phone calls and emails from friends who fell for my April Fool's joke, here's another post for compensation. Consider it a shining happy people montage. I still like my job, love my students, and get along with my supervisor just fine. Thanks for the concern and sorry to make you feel like a terd. Truce?


My English club under the cherry blossoms.


Although my fave kids of all time, they love to gang up on me at recess..especially the kid with his mouth wide open.


My cute elementary school kids making tofu in cooking class.


Way too early in the morning to be photogenic. Check out the poisonous kerosene heater next to my desk.


Making Kanji (chinese characters) out of the days of the week.


What can I say? They're adorable.

Around the Himeji's castle grounds is a traditional teahouse for a tea ceremony. I’ve really come to like matcha (green tea) a lot, despite its bitterness and i love all the care that goes into serving it. Since it’s spring break for all schools around the country, the people serving me were little school girls in kimonos.


I think that they were shocked to see a foreigner, but they were soooo cute. This girl was the most fascinated because even though the ceremony was suposed to be serious, she kept snekaing a peek at me with a curious little smile. Everytime I whispered, "Thank you", she'd giggle as quietly as she could.


They served me 2 glasses of matcha, a sweet omochi and a plate of azuki (sweet red beans). I still haven’t mastered the art of sitting in seiza position (my legs go numb after 10 minutes), but it was fun trying.

Our last stop was to Himeji, home to Japan'’s most impressive original castle. Justin and I got bikes from the grandma at our hotel (can u believe that she calculated our bill with an abacus?!?) and cruised around the castle grounds. Along with the typical history like bloody invasions and emperor's extravagant lifestyles, my favorite historical tidbit was how the samurais used to pour boiling animal fat onto intruders from the tiny slanted windows.

**I put my pics from Osaka on my website. Click here or on the link on the menu**

As far as Japanese culture is concerned, Nara is a special little place. It’s kind of like bloated Kyoto, brimming with most of Japan’s national treasures, threw up and Nara came about with its own pagodas, temples, the biggest Buddha statue and cute deer prancing around.


I made a day trip out of it, split up from Justin and met up with David, my Irish comrade from our Thailand trip. It was really peaceful walking up the little street where cooks were making omochi (pounded rice filled with sweet red beans).


The most important thing I wanted to see was the big Buddha statue in one of the shrines--the biggest in Japan.


One of the wooden scaffolds holding the shrine up had a little hole and a crowd was hanging around it. There was a good reason for the all the people waiting in line: good luck and blessings to those who can climb through to the other side. Kids were the main ones going through while their parents took pictures of them on the other side.


Being in Nara was perfect--really chill and good to catch up with David (who filled me about serendipity). Plus, the plum blossoms were out, so the park even smelled good. This is a picture of one of the most scenic shrines we’ve seen.

I quit my job today.

I couldn't take it anymore. Today, I tried sorting out all the final details about my family coming in May. My supervisor has known they are coming since last November, so all I had to do was fill in the blanks--exact dates, where we'll stay, etc.--to get everything sorted at work. At least that's what i thought. But, guess what he decided to pull on me? He said that there's a mandatory meeting on one of the days when my family and I are supposed to be in Tokyo. So, I told him I'd just use paid holiday. He then goes on about how it's one of the few days of the year that teachers SHOULD NOT take off unless it was an absolute emergency because all these big-wigs from the PTA were coming to evaluate the school (why the hell is my school chosen to do this?). Ok, long story short....he lost his temper in a very Japanese way: sucked through his teeth, tilted his head, mumbled under his breathe...all signaling that what I was asking for was, basically impossible.

You guys, I lost it.

When I realized that there was just no compromising with him, I told him that I wasn't coming to work, whether I had the day off or not. This is where it gets heavy. All of the teachers, at this point, have stopped pretending to look busy and are now starting to talk and dissuade me. One of the teachers, who i don't even know well at all, grabbed me while i tried to walk into the hallway to collect my thoughts. He started walking into me until i backed into the wall--he might as well have just pushed!!!! Seeing how I was cornered, I decided to quit.

So, yea. I'm leaving Japan, and have to move back into my parent's house until I find another job. I have a month until my visa runs out, so I have to be on a plane out of the country within that time. I'm sorry that some of you guys have to find out this way, and i would tell you in person, but I know that I might not see some of you before I leave.

This is the WORST day I've had in Japan!!!! I don't know what to do. If you're reading this, then you're obviously a friend and I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave a comment. Thanks.

Osaka is not a sight for sore eyes during the day. It’s def a place to be seen at night. The exception to this rule is Osaka castle which springs out of the surrounding glass skyscrapers and steel buildings. Although it is not the original version (the original was bombed during WWII), the view from the top is really stunning.

Capsule hotels are not coffins.


Thanks to Justin, the travel guru, we stayed in a capsule hotel right in the middle of Osaka’s nightlife. It was my first time staying in one and once I got over the coffin feel of it, it was actually really comfortable. You even get your own radio and mini TV (although it mainly shows really bad Japanese porn).

This spring break, I chose to do the responsible thing and stay in Japan. So, Justin and I took the slow train from my town to Osaka, which was an 8 hour trip, but the view was so beautiful. Lots of rice fields and mountains.

My first impression of Osaka is that it looks like a Japanese Las Vegas. Super flashy, borderline tacky neon-lights everywhere and lots of people out at all hours of the night.


The locals are not your typical Japanese and I found them a little rough around the edges with a little more attitude than normal. My kind of people.


This square is where all the young, striving dancers come out to practice their moves. There’s a big mirror ball in the center and huge mirrors against all the walls. Teeny bopper music in the States looks artistically fresh (that’s a scary thought) compared to the overly fabricated and extra packaged music groups of J-pop. These kids were practicing in groups of 7 or more, danced to super hyper techno and were wearing the usual spastic get-up: neon clothes, orange-highlighted mullet hairstyles, “f*ck me” boots and oversized belts.

Don't hate.

1.) raw horse
2.) raw pig ears
3.) raw whale
4.) raw chicken (bird flu?)
5.) raw eggs
6.) raw squishy sea urchin
6.) every type of raw seafood you can possibly imagine (too many to list here)
7.) squid on a stick
8.) kimchi (fermented cabbage, smells like a fart, but tastes good and spicy)
9.) natto (fermented soybeans, super stringy, smells and tastes like a fart)
10.) boiled octopus
11.) whale bacon
12.) pickled everything (think of any veggie right now..yup, I've probably had it pickled)
13.) fish eggs of all shapes, colors and sizes
14.) seaweed and spaghetti
15.) fish flakes and pizza
16.) sweet red beans in every dessert form imaginable
17.) quail eggs
18.) grilled buffalo
19.) seaweed salad
20.) This space is reserved for raw blowfish--a local delicacy--which I've been dying to try, or trying then dying..I dunno which will come first. ;)


While I'm all about trying new things, and I haven't regretted anything I've eaten, I had to stop myself from trying dog in Korea (and I won't eat whale again b/c of the obvious environmental implications). I got to draw the line somewhere!

For a minute, I forgot I was here. Things used to turn my head and leave me with a puzzled look on my face about 15 times a day, but now I'd say, it's down to about 5. But, I had a reality check a couple of weeks ago where I was left thinking, "Whoa, I'm in Japan."

I went to our high school graduation and it was the most solemn and intimidating event. Everyone was dressed in all black. With thousands sat in the gym, not a single cough, sneeze, shuffle or sniffle could be heard. It was military style. I couldn't spot one person in this entire crowd who wasn't sitting straight, legs uncrossed, and hands straight out. All this pomp and circumstance made me want to stand up and start screaming to break the silence. Even the fully coordinated bows were sharper than usual with not a single student out of sync.

This made me think of American graduation and any other "formal" ceremony we have. Everyone seems to be cheering and family members sometimes bring foghorns to grab their graduate's attention and be ghetto. Even in weddings, supposedly one of the most intimate and sacred occasions, there's always room for interjecting estranged lovers or senile parents. "Speak now or forever hold your peace..." Could you even imagine something like that happening at any Japanese event?! Even if there was an opportunity for people to speak up, no one would take it unless they wanted to commit social suicide. There would be no more of those jelly green tea sweets on their desks. No invitations to ride their bikes together to "Seven Erreven" (7/11). Shit, you can just forget about getting a good spot next to the poisonous kerosene heater.

All the 3rd graders (these are the seniors; J-high schools only have 3 grades as opposed to U.S. high schools which have 4) went outside to celebrate after the ceremony was over. I must admit that I will miss these kids, even if the boys giggle like girls everytime they say, "Hello!" or "I am sexy man"..and the girls insist on grabbing parts of my body that shouldn't be grabbed.

To all my American friends, especially the ones back home (and to anyone else who's curious),

My sister sent me this video (thanks again Lili) and, after watching it, I have to pass this on to you. It's long, about an hour and a half, but you owe it to yourself to see it. I'm not sure about the validity of it, but it def should make u think. This has nothing to do with being a Republican or Democrat or whatever else you are. There's really nothing more I can say. Please watch it and pass it on. Lemme know watcha think.

If you want to watch it on a bigger screen, go to Google video and type in "Loose Change."

My town, Tokuyama, is no gem. If the picturesque 80's skyline of protruding methane factories don't get your bags packin', then surely the air pollution will. Yet, Tokuyama has one thing that redeems itself: the late-night ramen stands around my apartment. Most of them are manned by one or two people and they are usually crazy. This guy is my favorite. He's also crazy and has no teeth, but he makes the best ramen anyone could ask for at 4 in the morning. Screw an apple--a ramen a day will keep the hangover away. It doesn't hurt either that he's known for giving gaijin free beer and spontaneously putting female gaijin in a headlock (you OK Louise?!?). So, cheers to you, crazy late-night noodle man with no teeth!

P.S. As you can see, I've been blogging a lot lately. With no classes at work, I've had lots of free time on my hands. I've even tried to give my blog another makeover, but there are still lots of glitches. Does anyone know how I can get the menu back up to the top?

Even gaijin (foreigners) can be firefighters.

Here's Steph, the artist formerly known as El Diablo, posing as a real firefighter for the day. Her small town chose her to be a volunteer firefighter and pass out certificates of appreciation to little kids in the crowd. I tagged along for emotional support (read: I sat in the audience laughing and teasing her the whole way through. What are friends for?!). But hey, at least we got to ride in the crane of a firetruck.

No other nation is as obsessive and naive* about the changing of the seasons as the Japanese. Can you blame them? In a country where climate control** is still a thing of the distant future and with such extremes between the brutal humid summers and bone-numbing winters, fall and spring are more than just welcomed. They are celebrated with parties, drunken old men, countdowns, festivals, drunken old men, charts and more drunken old men. With the spring comes the infamous sakura (cherry trees). All the news channels do full on presentations about the exact timing of when these iconic trees will blossom with graphs and all. The best way I can explain it is like this: I've never lived or been anywhere where my lifestyle was so influenced by the weather. I've got a portable heater that heats one room and layers upon layers of clothes in my own house. As a result, I've turned into a winter hermit. Hate to complain, but this Floridian has had enough. Thankfully, spring is so close that I can almost taste it.

* Any Japanese person will tell you that Japan is the only country with 4 seasons, and some will even go as far to say that, with the rainy season, there are 5. With such conviction, who wants to burst their bubble?

**The dichotomy in this country is astounding. They can invent the fastest, safest train in the world--the bullet train--but they cling onto to basic rudimentary ways to stay comfortable by shunning centralized heating and cooling. Instead, I'm left with a toxic kerosene heater at school in the winter and a paper fan with a picture of (insert cheesy, too cute cartoon character here) in the summer. Inefficient? Absolutely. Typically Japanese? Without a doubt.

March 3 was the Hina Matsuri or Doll festival where Japanese parents show their love and appreciation for their daughters by building tall tables adorned with miniature dolls. Some of the dolls are figurines of emperors, warriors, etc. and they are proudly shown for weeks before the big day. Every year until they get married, the parents bust out with this display for guests to "Ooooh" and "Aaaah" over. There's a catch: rumor has it that the daughter will never marry if they don't put the dolls away on the actual holiday. Check out this picture with the kindergartners at my favorite elementary school. It`s out in the middle of nowhere, rice paddies and all, but the kids are the cutest. Note the girl on the bottom left who looks like she trying to eat a fly as we told them to smile big. Don't worry boys, there`s a holiday for sons in May. More later...

Professional figure skater, Shizuka Arakawa, won Japan its first gold medal at the Torino Winter Olympics. I love to see the under dog win and its especially warm and fuzzy to see everyon's reactions firsthand. It's the best thing to happen to Japan since heat-up toilets seats and the Japanese dude that won the Nathan's hot dog eating contest.

Ladies and gents, I need to write about this b/c us, foreigners, have been subjected to this epidemic for far too long: English-speaker stalkers. They’re leeches and they are on the prowl for natives in all big cities and rural towns throughout Japan. I’m talking about complete strangers who are far too keen to strike a conversation with us in situations where it’s socially awkward, and usually with the most inconvenient timing. Japanese people are typically shy, so one should be suspicious when approached by a person who is friendlier then most sane people by western standards. Of course this can’t be written without acknowledging and crediting the Japanese people who make conversation because they’re genuinely interested in learning about us and our countries. Most people I meet are beyond any politeness I’ve ever experienced back home and the spontaneous acts of kindness are always appreciated. Props to those peeps. Everyone else, read on b/c you may either be a victim or a perpetrator. Beware all you stalkers: I am not a free walking English conversation lesson!


Case 1: The Stretching Samurai

Scene of the crime: on the stretching mats of my gym
Date: about 2 weeks ago
The suspect: A far too genki (active, energetic) man in his 50’s,
Description: While doing some crunches, I noticed the Stretching Samurai trying to make eye contact as he faked some stretching exercises. I was busy so I pretended like I didn’t notice. My beat red cheeks or headphones didn’t deter him from asking me the ever so vital question, “Where are you from?” Seemingly harmless at first glance, I saw him again the following week. This time I was getting on the treadmill. Seeing me from across the gym, he dropped his weights and rushed towards me for a crash course on how to start the machine. Even though I had used it a million times before and was pressing all the right buttons, he insisted on translating them in English.


Case 2: The Tuesday Tea Lady

Scene of the crime: the office at one of my elementary schools
Date: once a month during my regular visits
The suspect: a happy house wife/part time tea lady; last seen wearing a pink nurse apron
Description: She is a silent killer. The kind that peers over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. Naturally, I sense her watching me so I make eye contact. Then, she locks me in. “Book,” she said, pointing at my copy of ZenZen.* I nonchalantly swept my hand over the R-rated comic strip I was reading. What follows is an earnest attempt to understand what she’s trying to tell me in the almost non-existant English she knows. “Book wa…ano...interesting…Japanese study? I English…learn.” My brain always hurts by 2nd period. Although unarmed, she preys by staring and getting awkwardly close, crapping on her prey’s personal space. Avoid eye contact at all costs.


Case 3: The Ogling Obaachan

Scene of the crime: the sauna
Date: last month
The suspect: an obaachan (grandma) well in her 50’s, my height, wearing white hand towel draped over the southern region
Description: While basking, half-nude on the wooden bench, I had almost fallen asleep with my head against the wall until the Ogling Obaachan gently tapped my shoulder. “Are you OK with naked?” I shot her a startled look, still tiptoeing between consciousness and sub-consciousness. I replied, “Yes I’m ok with being naked.” In case I was OK before, this assured me that I wouldn’t be anymore because now the 4 other ladies in the sauna chimed in with their broken English. Queue the comments about why my arms and legs are long. She then proceeded to ask me the standard questions…”where are you from…what do you do…can you use chopsticks…???”

Please save yourself, your children, and your children’s children. If you have been a victim or know someone who has, please get help or comment below.

*For those of you back home, ZenZen is a raunchy indulgence published by some English teachers in my prefecture. It’s filled with gossip-worthy stories and humiliating pictures of our parties.

I think this is some sort of recruitment video. And I thought the Village People were gay. Silly me...

Thanks for the video David!

Besides festivals, one of my favorite things to do in Japan is go to an enkai (big dinner with lots of drinks) because it's one of the few times that Japanese people open up and act crazy (a regular occurance for most Americans). After all day on the slopes, we had an enkai with some of the best food I've had here. Course after course of traditional Japanese food like tempura, raw seafood, nabe (soup that u cook at the table) and other delish things kept coming our way. We played some games, had an after-party and I somehow managed to pull off giving the closing speech in Spanish by the end of it. The weekend was a complete success, even if I was worthless on the slopes the next day. Bruised and battered, we made our wayt back to Tokuyama.

I have a confession to make. I became the thing that I so adamantly tease. I was a Japanese tourist. Before you judge, hear me out. My new found infatuation with snow has put me in a position to accept any invitation to play in it. A group of teachers from around Yamaguchi were going on an organized package tour to go snowboarding in Shimane-ken. How could I resist? Yea, so we had the big tour bus…and the overly helpful tour guides…and the cameras around our necks…ok, it wasn’t THAT bad. But I admit, I did feel like a sell –out. Anyway, I’m glad we did it because it gave me a chance to hang out with my favorite JTE (Japanese English Teacher), Atsushi, and of course the always lovely Beck Iverson (another ALT). Plus, I met tons of other people who are equally as fun to be around.

Since it was my first time snowboarding, I had to take lessons. Before I know it, I was already gliding down the slopes (see: falling). Atsushi made sure that I didn’t forget it by demonically laughing at my failure. To Atsushi: you’ll get yours buddy! j/k Honestly though, he was a huge lifesaver all weekend—translating for me, giving me tips, and just making me laugh like always.

Being on the slopes all day was better then I expected and it was another good opportunity to see Japanese life. There a few times when I’d stop and notice how lovable Japanese families are. I still think that Japanese kids are the cutest kids in the world, especially if they’re decked out in little snow boots and Hello Kitty hats. Something else dawned on me: I have yet to see a Japanese kid throw a tantrum in public. I’m sure it happens, but I think it’s definitely safe to say that they’re far better-behaved in public than American kids. At home, though, I’m sure it’s a different story.

All day snowboarding was the perfect introduction to the dinner/party we had later that night.

Sundays in Yamaguchi, especially in the winter, and especially if the night before was spent slurring our words, are usually spent laying around, recovering, eating, and being blissfully lazy with the rest of the ‘Guchies. One of these days, Han-chan, el Diablo, Saki-chan, and I went to Sanzoku. It’s a quiet little spot in the middle of nowhere. The traditional restaurants and gift shops is a good way to spend the afternoon and the chicken on a stick is enough to justify a trip out there. Since it was freezing when we went, they put us under a kotatsu (traditional Japanese tables with heaters underneath; you sit with your legs under them and a blanket trapping the heat) outside by a waterfall. Su goi !

Happy Valentine's Day! I completely forgot about the holiday until some ladies at school gave me some tokochoko (friend chocolate). For western women, Valentine's Day in Japan is easy to forget because women aren't given presents by their boyfriends, fiances or husbands. Instead, tradition has left the work to women so that they give whoever they like a gift. Like so many Japanese things, there isn't much deviation from the norm as to what the present can be. It's almost always chocolate. I thought that this was a male-confectionary-conspiracy until a Japanese friend explained that men return the favor on March 14, White Day. Japanese women can expect their lovey-dovey boyfriends to woo them while digging their little fingers in a bowl of marshmallows. It's the Japanese approach to romance.

P.S. I finally caught a cold..pretty impressive considering that I've been surrounded by gas mask-wearing-snot-rocket kids all flu season. Please send all your "Get Well" cards, balloons, chocolates and unrequited love letters to the address below. Arigato!

Poo is funny all over the world.

A conversation with Sayako, my favorite high school student:
Me: You haven’t eaten lunch? You must be so hungry!
Sayako: I am not. I no poo.
Me: Tee-hee-hee...you can’t poo? How did you learn that word!?!
Sayako: My friend. What do you say in English?
Me: Constipated...(now drawing a diagram)...constipated=no poo; diarrhea=a lot of poo.
Sayako: Could I say, “I diarrhea?”
Me: (giggling is now full-force laughter) NO, I think you’d have to say, “I have diarrhea.” How do you say constipated in Japanese?
Sayako: Watashi wa benpi desu. “Benpi” means “poo secret.”
Me: So...you have a secret poo?!

Ellen and Steph have tagged me. To fullfill my duties as the "it" girl of the moment, I am listing the following information:

4 Jobs I've Had in My Life:
artsy-fartsy-type at a pottery studio
senior staff writer for FSU newspaper
waitress & wannabe-bartender at Ruby Tuesday
intern/office biatch at a PR/advertising firm

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, and Have
Lost in Translation
Goodfellas
Forrest Gump
Dumb and Dumber

4 Places I Have Lived:
Valencia, Spain
Los Angelas, California
London, England
Jacksonville, Florida

4 TV Shows I Love To Watch:
Family Guy
The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart
The Sopranos
The Conan O' Brian Show

4 Places I Have Been On Vacation:
Prague, Czech Republic
Seoul, South Korea
New York City, New York
Cozumel, Mexico

4 Websites I Visit Daily:
The Guch Blogs
Gmail email
the Onion (when I'm bored)
Facebook

4 Favorite Foods:
everything my momma makes
anything with cheese
anything with coffee
anything with chocolate

4 Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
Spain..Spain..Spain!!
my house in FL with my fam and friends
on the beach, any beach
in my car back home

4 People I Am Tagging With This (feel free to post it on your blog):
G. To (Genesis)
my piercing sis (Jenn)
my 7-11 anarchist (Han-chan)
Thianh (Waxinator)

So I had a nice post written out on my computer about the end of my trip and what it felt like to be back in Japan, but I murdered my computer with a glass of milk. I'm pretty sure that it was something along the lines of, "I'm going to miss this place and--HA HA--to all you doubters: I didn't get the Bird Flu." I also knew that I was back in Japan when the flight staff outside was bowing at our plane. I don't know if they expected the pilot to bow back while safely maneauvering us from death defying speeds or if they thought the passengers would even care after we've survived our way through an erray of crappy movie selections and sludge in-flight meals. There was just no mistaking it, I was home.

Despite my plans to go straight to Cambodia right after New Years, I ditched them to meet up with Jesper. He's the Swedish culprit behind my dissappearing act on New Years. After a couple more days on the beach (I stayed at a nice retreat that had yoga, meditation, tofu dinners and other hippie things) we met up in Bangkok. We mainly stuck to Koh Saon Road which is kind of a backpacker's cult. Internet cafes, pubs, massage parlors, street vendors and fake Nikes line the street, tempting travelers to buy everything. My trip was coming to an end. :(

I should've posted this a month ago, but what can I say? I'm a procastinator. So, Happy New Year to you guys back home and I hope this one's even better than the last! As for me, no new year resolutions. I'm just going to keep moving, keep growing, keep learning. I spent the holiday on Koh Phanghan and I must admit that it was the best New Year's I've ever had. There were thousands of people spread out on the beach dancing, walking from bar to bar, watching the locals throw flames in the air, and a certain someone who I "disappeared" with. (*_^) Too lazy to write the details of the night. I'll just let the pics speak for themselves.

Koh Samui is only a 45 minute ferry ride from Koh Phanghan, the island that parties are made of. Notorious full and half moon parties, jungle and waterfall parties, and the biggest New Year's party in Thailand. Like other hedonistic backpacker havens (see Goa, Ibiza and Amsterdam), Koh Phanghan proves that it can stand the test of thousands of cheap flip flop imprints and beer bottle caps. A Dionysian dream.

Koh Phaghan by day...Koh Phanghan by night...These "Buckets of Joy," as the Thais like to call them, are plastic buckets filled with your choice of toxic Thai whiskey, Red Bull, and/or Coke. Seemingly harmless, one sip of this lethal potion made it clear that it would be a looong night. The lax regulations on how many amphetamines Red Bull in Thailand can have made sure that we stayed up until sunrise practically every night. This was more like "Buckets of Liquid Crack," my friends, and they cost less than a bottle of water.Eating, drinking, sleeping on the beach...Fire limbo and alcohol: a winning combination.Mellow Mushroom "Bar" in the back...guess what they sell?

This is the infamous island off the southern coast of Thailand where lady boys are proudly on the prowl for new blood and Scandinavian families flock to scorch their pale skin under the sun. David and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Luckily for us, we only stayed there for a night and half a day...enough for me to scope the beaches. Some English chick told us about athe “Grandfather Stone.”...a.k.a the penis stone, so David and I went on a frantic search for it. She was right. After a few pictures, my job in Koh Samui was complete. Koh Panghan, here we come!

After Bangkok, David and I headed north to Chiang Mai. BTW, I haven’t formally introduced David. He is an Irish JET who I traveled with the most. Despite the relentless rounds of light-hearted American bashing vs. leprechaun jokes, he’s the man if you want a good laugh.

Chiang Mai is known for its jungles and over 300 wats. We went with a group on a 2-day trekking trip through the jungles. The 8 of us—2 French, 3 Koreans, 1 German, 1 Irishman (David), and 1 American (me)—hopped on the back of a raggedy pick up truck that took us to a remote market. This was our starting point.James and Nat were our local guides who knew everything about the wildlife, hill tribes and vegetation in the jungles. They were hysterical. James was my fave (the guy on the right) though because he gave French Titi and me a fake tat from coal and tree sap.Trekking wasn’t too hard…we passed spiders, rice paddies and water buffalos. We swam in waterfalls along the way... We finally reached the hill tribe that we were going to be staying with for the night.Besides trying to sell us handmade necklaces, village kids hung out with us, drawing fish pictures until it was their bedtime. They were cute, but probably jaded by new people, especially tourists.After dinner, we hung out around the fire and fell asleep in our makeshift cabin.We did most of our touristy stuff the next day. We were hiking most of the time stopping only to eat, ride elephants and go bamboo rafting. At the elephant camp, I rode on one called Poko.Unfortunately for him, he was really hungry and kept stopping every minute to eat the banana trees on the sides of the dirt path. With each curling trunk reaching over the sides, the little local man on Poko’s head would grunt, kick his skull and dig his Grim Reaper-esque dagger in its ears. This didn’t discourage Poko from eating, so his ears were bleeding by the end of the trip. Me, the unsuspecting tourist, had noooo clue that this is how they discipline the elephants…I will never do that again!I bought a bundle of sugar cane and fed Poko with them for a job well done.The trip was almost over, but we still had to do one more thing—bamboo rafting! It was more like bamboo floating because the river was pretty tame.Filthy and exhausted we headed back in Chiang Mai in time to make it to our evening flight down to the southern islands. Next stop: Koh Samui baby!!!!

Thought I'd take a breather from my Thailand trip to say that my blog is officially "pimped." If you don't like the new look, email your complaints to christinecperez@gmail.com so I can tell you to shove it.

Oh yea, and I signed my recontracting papers 2 days ago. I'm staying in Japan for another year!

It all started in Bangkok.

The wild rides in the back of tuk tuks, a glorified lawn mower, in the impossible Bangkok traffic. My favorite driver was Essid (not pictured) who took me to 3 different wats (temples in Thai) and an imposter jewelry shop because there was a “big sale.” Traitor.

The hour-long, full-body, traditional Thai messages that twist--practically break--and realign your bones back into place. Even if the masseuse was a tiny little Thai with hands no bigger than a lotus bud, I could rest assured that it would be the best 150-200 Baht (less than $8) I had ever spent.

The relentless bargaining for everything all the time, not just in the markets:
 Guesthouses: I lowered the cost of my first hole-in-the-wall hostel down to about $5 per night.
 Already dirt cheap, bootlegged stuff like Cd’s, DVD’s, purses, jewelry, tazor guns (!!), books (would suck if your job was to stand in front of a Xerox machine to make them), and, dare I say? Viagra!
 Tuk tuks, taxis and any other form of transportation.

The street carts brimming with Pad Thai noodles, sliced papaya, watermelon, pineapples, etc. Yet, the quintessential street cart delicacy was the banana pancakes drenched in chocolate sauce and sweetened condensed milk. Hands down, some of the best meals I got in Thailand weren’t in a restaurant, but from a short lady behind a street cart. You can forget about ambience. Your utensils were sometimes only a toothpick and your table was the street curb. This is truly fast food in every sense of the word. I bet if you pitted a local Thai and her cart against a McDonald’s employee of the month, the Thai would whip up the fastest, healthiest and tastiest meal. Booya.

The interesting backpackers, expatriates, hippies and locals I met. Some of the coolest people I hung out with was was this sibling trio from Seattle.

The lazy dogs that are so jaded by humans. They aren’t’ companions in the Western sense. No leashes. No doggy bowls of food and water. No showers. Just feed ‘em and forget ‘em.

The “Ping Pong” shows in Bangkok. Well…I actually never went to one, but I figured that the live sex show I saw in Amsterdam was enough hilarity and degrading entertainment to last me awhile.

****I've finally uploaded all my pics from my trip! Click on my website to the right (Beware: I took A LOT of pics) to see them.****

It just wouldn’t be Xmas without being blessed by Buddhist monks; transvestites lip-synching on a boxing ring; a nice German dinner with 2 Israelis (Happy Hanukkah!?!), an Irishman, and an Ozzie; opium fields; a drunk Thai planting a wet kiss on me; a hardcore tournament of “Connect Four;” and a celebratory Muay Thai boxing match that left one guy coiled on the ground in the timeless fetal position. I don’t know if anyone could have possibly had a more random holiday than me, but as dysfunctional as it was, it proved that it doesn’t matter where you are; you can still have a kick ass time if you’re in good company—and I was!

David and I spent the best part of the day visiting a wat on a mountain top, overlooking Chiang Mai. We stopped by a hill tribe on our way up. Even in the middle of the rural mountains, the village kids were putting up a fake Xmas tree outside of their school. Other kids were flying kites while the adults were busy trying to push their souvenirs on unsuspecting tourists. There wasn’t anything particularly remarkable about this hill tribe except for one thing: there was a vast poppy field. Since the tribesman aren’t officially Thai citizens (many of them are Burmese, Chinese, etc.), there’s not much the local government can do about them using opium, and I don’t think that they necessarily care either.We then made our way to the wat. Despite the cloudiness, I still could feel the distance to the ground. Like every other wat in Thailand, it was elegantly decorated with gold, large spires, rows of antique bells and massive statues of Buddha: the man, the legend, the uncontested Supreme Being in Thailand. And yes, he is holier than thou—shut yo mouth!

Since I couldn’t really be doing the whole Jesus thing in Buddhist Thailand, I opted to get my quick holy-fix from the local monk in the temple. Right…well, women aren’t supposed to make direct contact with the monks, so I nudged my bribe for holiness (is 20 baht enough to slide my way into spiritual stardom?) to his feet, stayed on my knees and remained bowed over my legs. From there it was a blur. I remember indecipherable chants, sprinkles of water on my head, and before I knew it, he was tying a thick white string around my wrist. “Leave this on for 7 days,” he commanded, and for 11 days I did (I figured a few more days were good in case Buddha forgot about me. There were a lot of people in line that day).

Xmas night came and David and I met up with Justin and 2 Israeli girls he met. After gorging in a German restaurant and doing a bit of shopping in the night markets, we went to a big square surrounded by tiny bars encircling a proper boxing ring in the model. With a drink in one hand, and the other strategizing where we’d put the next chip in the “Connect Four” games on the tables, we pissed the night away. Highlights of the night:

1.) The drag show on the boxing ring. The lady boys in Thailand are everywhere and have gotta be the most convincing and beautiful lady boys in the world. Need proof? More sex change operations are done in Thailand than anywhere else in the world and it shows! I heard countless stories of innocent guys (I won’t mention any names, but you know who you are! hahah) trying to hit on these “women” or being picked up by them.2.) The Muay Thai boxing match after the drag show. For those of you who don’t know, Muay Thai is considered to be one of the most dangerous forms of combat because you can punch and kick.3.) The drunk Thai guy dancing on a bar stool and the drunk English bartender who couldn’t even read our bill straight. It would’ve been too easy to walk away with a forced, sloppy kiss and without paying for our drinks at all, but only the former happened.

Back from my vacation and what can I say? No blog post could do justice to the country (jungles are neighbors to the beaches), it's people (the land of smiles) and the food (did u know fried bugs are packed with protein?). So, I'm going to have to write seperate posts about it throughout the week.

I left Fukouka, left the cold, the over-the-top politeness that makes Japan Japan, left my schools and students without looking back. I had an 8 hour layover in Taipei, Taiwan, enough time to ditch the airport and do some speed sightseeing. But, I only made it to Taipai 101, the world's tallest building, because there were so many shops.Nohting particularly memorable happened in Taiwain except that I was hunted down by a group of teen girls for a "picture with the--probably stupid--American" and autographs. It felt so weird.Note the girl left of me pretending to kiss me. Oh yea, why is it that Koreans, Taiwanese, and Thai people--all more poor and, supposedly not as developed as the Japanese--able to speak English 5 million times better than the Japanese? Yet another moment in my life in Asia where I'm left with my arms in the air, muttering, "Nani (What)?!?"

...well, not exactly, but my winter vacation officially starts tomorrow after work (4:15 PM..I'm already countin' down the minutes). I'll be escaping the blistering Japanese winters for the warm summer weather in Southeast Asia: modern Bangkok, the beaches and moon parties on the southern Thai islands (Ko Samui, Ko Phangan), the ancient temples of Angkor in Cambodia (Siem Reap), delicous Cambodian cuisine in Phnom Phen, ridiculously cheap shopping in Taiwan, then back to freeezing Japan. Wow, that just sounded like a travel brochure. I won't be blogging until I get back on January 7, so Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Happy New Year!

If I've learned nothing else during my stay in Japan it's that I LOVE snow. Seriously, I dunno how I lived without it for so long. While all the Japanese are moaning about how "samui (cold)" it is, I'm trying to restrain myself from looking like a bad pop video and rolling around and writing my name in it.



Even she was cold----->



It's already snowed four times now and each time looks brighter and more picturesque. There was the most snow on Saturday night, boasting 10 cm around my place in Tokuyama.

While there are a lucky few who get to have a real deal X-mas back home, most of us JETS are either staying in Japan or travelling around this side of the world to spend it. This means that we had to have one last horrah before everyone went thier own ways and what better way to do it then a party (surprise surprise!)? A few weeks back, there was a real X-mas party--formal attire and all--in Yamaguchi city. Almost 2 hours of all you can drink (nomihodai) can bring out the Christmas cheer in just about anybody! The infamous Tom Smith...uh hmm, shall I say "Dance Dance evolution"... loosened up that tie and brought enough gyrating holiday spirit to some very lucky female JETS to hold them through the end of the year. Of course, we had to have fun games like pass the mikan (Japanese oranges) around and tie the piece of yarn through each other's clothes. Thanks to the girls of AJET who are party planning gurus. After the party, Selena, Becky H., Miho, her husband and I found our ways back inTokuyama for some good ol' dancing at Suzie Wongs. Now that the owner and I are on a first name basis (I think I've officially OD-ed on that place), he made sure to play some salsa as we stumbled our way out to a ramen booth stand--one of the best ways to end a night out.

The first snow of the season happened on Tuesday and it was my first time seeing it...ever. Deprived? Yes, but it just meant that I was that much more grateful to be up at 6 AM, on my way to school, freezing my arse to see the beautiful sight. I busted out my electric blanket and cotton toilet seat cover to commemorate the event.

Christmas is nearly on it's way and my city, Tokuyama, ha already decorated all the streets near rhe train station with lights, fake snowed in windows and cheesy X-mas music to last me for the next few years. Take a look at this pic.It just feels wrong.

Hannah had an X-mas shindig at her place since we won't have a real one back home. Instead of watching the X-mas movies we brought over, Mark busted out with Vanilla Ice's film debut, "Cold As Ice." I can honestly say that this is THE worst mivie ever created by man. Don't just take my word for it. Watch the first 10 minutes of Vanilla's long rap intro with a young Naomi Campbell lip-synching while doing the "running man," and you'll see what I mean. As if that weren't bad enough, there is a montage in the middle where Vanilla and his girl go on a date. In one afternoon, they manage to go to a construction sight, ride a motorcycle through the dessert while hosing each other down with water, drive down a road in the middle of the the midwest (USA) plains, and find their way back to suburban California or Florida...hard to tell which one. Both satisfied, he leaves her by saying, "Ditch the zero and get with the hero." Classic....and last motion picture.

If you have free time and wanna laugh your arse off, click on this link for the funniest commentary I've read on any movie.

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/385.html

With a name like that, how could I resist? This traditional festival is held annually in Hofu, a small town near mine, where half-naked men get ridiculously inebriated and carry half-ton, portable shrines to the top of the main shrine, Tenmangu. The stairs are the tricky part. On the count of three, the men would yell and sprint to the top, nearly tipping the poor shrine on us innocent spectators. By sunset, the event is at full speed and all we could see were masses of pink flesh (Japanese don't have the enzymes in their bodies to properly digest alchohal, so their skin turns pink) and white paper lanterns. Lauren, Marina and some other Hofu-ites met up and stood around drinking beer and hot sake. On the way to the shrine, there were dozens of stands selling sugar-glazed fruit, yakkitori (grilled chicken on bamboo sticks), mochi (rice cakes filled with sweet red beans) and other delicousness. While the each of group of men were waiting their turns, they would stand in front of the shops, spinning the shrines around, chanting to the shopkeeper. After, the shopkeeper would give them a bag of money or sweets. The night wasn't complete until we ate at Mos Burger, the best fast food remedy to McDonald's. Before we knew it, one of the employees gave us each a Santa Clause hat and took pics of us to put up in the store.

This is Watanabe-san, my suga momma. I say that because she gives me whatever I want. I don't actually ask for anything, but she pampers me more than anyone else. She reminds me of my grandma: so little and cute, i just wanna put her in my purse. She works in the high school office and fixes everything for me. When I talked about joining Aikido, she came back with all the papers. When I said my dresser was broken, she got me a new one with the school's money (no, I wouldn't take from lil' old ladies!). For no reason at all, she randomly brings me vegetables from her garden and loaves of her home cooked bread. It's no wonder that when I told her I love to cook, she offered to take me with her to her cooking class. So, off we went to class a few Saturdays ago. I learned how to make, curry doughnuts (tastes a lot better than it sounds), apple cake, do-it-yourself sushi, spicy bread and miso soup, among other things. After a few hours, we set the table with all the food and grubbed on one of the best meals I've had here. I don't know when I'm leaving Japan, but I know that when I do, I'll miss her.

Kat, Hannah, Louise, Christine, Sarah and I went to the sumo wrestling tournament in Fukouka 2 weekends ago. We saw, as Louise put it, "fullygrown (well overgrown) men bitchfight. There was face-slapping, hair pulling and underpant grappling." Outside of the arena were 2 wrestlers walking around, so Louise and I got to take a pic with them. Security was at an all-time low and I was able to sneak my way on the first floor where they were warming up and walking out on the ring. There are a couple of wrestlers that are Bulgarian and Mangolian, so not only are they huge around, but their tall too. One of the best things about this country is how true they are to tradition. Sumo wrestling hasn't changed a whole lot since it's inception hundreds of years ago. Before they go on, they have to throw salt on the stage to purify it and cleanse their mouths with water from a community barrel. Supposedly, part of their rigorous training includes drinking beer and sleeping immediately after meals (too bad I already do that without any claim to fame for my sumo skills). Like famous American athletes and football players, the pro sumo wrestlers date supermodels and are invited to luxurious, high profile parties. The average fight is over in less than a minute, but the real draw is when one of them gets thrown out of the ring onto the audience. Mad props to the poor guy who got a facefull of sumo crotch.

**I've uploaded all my pics from Korea on my website. Click the link on the left to see!**

The Wed. before last was the day that marked the beginning of my adentures in Korea. If you read nothing else, at least know this: Korea is iiiincredible and if you're considering it at all--GO! There's an overnight ferry from Yamaguchi that takes you straight into the port of Pusan, Korea. Stirlo, Tom Smith and I boarded the boat around evening time and spent the whole night talking on deck about almost everything--relationships, world travels, money (or the lack thereof). This was the first chance I got to spend time with Tom Smith and I realized how quality he is. Middway through, we found ourselves in the karaoke bar chatting up some Japanese sailors. They were typical. Red-cheeked fromt he shoucho (Japanaese hard liquor...BRUTAL), throwing their broken English in the air and singing Queen with us. We were faded by midnight and crashed in the community tatami mat room, sardine style (after, of course, Tom Smith and I were spent talking about Tony Blair and Bush). By the time we woke up, we were in the Korean port.


Korea is one spicy little country. The people push you in the streets, drivers honk ther horns and the food hurts so good you sweat your lips off. The best meal I had their was a BBQ for breakfast. Each table has a mini BBQ where we grilled our own meat and then added veggie sides to eat it with. It was a tasty surgery of dipping the beef (cut with scissors, not a knife) into chili sauce, wrapping it in lettuce leaves and topping it with whole garlic cloves, seasoned herbs and another sour sauce. Aye Dios mio.

While we were waiting for Marko to get into the country, we hung out at the squae in front of Pusan Tower where there were little old men playing chess on one side, and a whole film crew shooting some show on the other side. But, the center of th square was what caught my eye. The statue, people relaxing on the steps, the traditional building in the back and the birds flying at just the right time...it was fitting.


We visited the most beautiful Buddhist temple I've seen in Asia so far. It was hidden behind a curtain of bamboo plants taller than the temple itself The walls were decorated with bold emeralds, reds and golds. Before we could go inside, we had to pass through the "guards," four statues as tall as the temple itself. Every once a while, I'd see a few monks come out of their little rooms.

The best part of the trip was the time of year we went. Since the only seasons Florida has is hot or hot and humid, I was sooo happy to see the trees changing colors. Like a stupid tourist, I took a million pics of leaves on the ground and of the ones that are still surviving on the limbs. The streets were so picturesque with red and yellow leaves scattered about.

The next morning we took the bullet train to Seoul. The feeling in Seoul is very young, energetic and artsy. There a few universities around, so that probably explains why. We met the coolest Korean girl on our first night out. She just walked right up to us, told us her name was Ellie, and became our personal chaffeur for the night. She took us wherever we wanted; translated for us; introduced us to a few people...it was such a nice break from Japan where people tend to be meek and shy at first.

The first cultural thing we did was check out the palace. We caught them just in time for the changing of the guards.

Later we went to Namdaeumun Market because we heard it was infamous in Seoul. There were sooo many people crammed in narrow streets selling everything from boiled beetles to fake Reeboks. It was the epitome of Asian shopping. There were a handful of handicapped guys--legless--rolling themselves on wood boards with wheels and pushing a radio for tips. Korea is really cheap, especially compared to Japan, so we couldn't resist buying something useless. Marko topped them all though when he bought socks with a picture of Yonsama on them (the Brad Pitt of Korea for middle-aged women...he's a God over there).

My second favorite Korean meal was a pancake made out of batter, leeks, octopus, onions and God knows what else. There's this salty, soy-ish type sauce that we dipped it in and...uuuuuuh...too good to describe. Not only was the food nice, but one of the restaurant workers gave us a ride back into town.

Some of ther best lines from the trip (I wish I could remember more of them):
"If she wasn't good looking, she'd be burned at the stake as a witch." ~Marko
"We need hot, salty eggs." ~Tom Smith and I after a night on the piss.
"Let's enjoy (insert any mundane activity, like standing in line or brushing your teeth, here)." ~Tom Smith
"Freshen yur drink gov'na?!?" ~All 4 of us (inspired from the crazy Brit lady in the Simpsons)

I need to catch up on a lot that has happened lately. Albeit a few bumps (some more major than others), it has been one hell of a ride. Before I fill ya in, I need to thank the Japanese for being so neurotically nice and helpful. In over 3 months, I've gotten my bike stolen (Kat, you'll be glad to know that the Wicked Witch of the West bike is no longer around), lost my cell phone and digital camara. Thanks for being such good samaritans b/c in the States, it would've been as good as gone.


This might be my favorite pic in Japan. Call me voyeuristic, but I had to snap a shot. ;0)

I couldn't do Halloween justice without going to a proper Halloween party. Hannah, Justin and I decided to go as 7-11 workers because the stores are EVERYWHERE here (Japan has the most 7-11's in the world) and the people who work there are total characters. Hannah decided to be "Joy Full," Justin was "Max Valu" and I was "Suzie Wong (all names of stores, restaurants, clubs here in town)." With our powers combined, we were the "Seven-Errrevens from Smokuyama!"We took a mid-party break to the real 7-11 down the block. After Justin told the workers, "Sorry for being late to work!" in Japanese, they let us behind the counter to harass even more people. All I know is that I quite possible could have infected every oily soaked piece of tofu and fishy foods in those metal bins with my metal tongs.

Here are some of my fave costumes of the night: "Your mom goes to college."The sushinators.Those crazy ghetto BritsStephan Hawkins...oye, so wrong and hilariousA fat janitor breakdancing?Senorita Rosita, aye-yi-yi!

I love Halloween. I love it so much that I'm not going to let being away from home stop me from celebrating it. Even though Japanese don't officially celebrate it, many of them know what it is. For the last couple of weeks, I've been brainwashing my students with useless Halloween games and trivia so that they too will love Halloween. MUAHAHA! First, I threw a Halloween party for the kids at my school for the disabled. This is the junior high department. We made Jack O' Lantern hats and I told them about the different monsters (ghosts are white...vampires don't like garlic, etc). I gave the teachers candy and had the students go trick or treating in the staff room. They think that American kids are so lucky for getting all this candy from stranger's houses. These are the kids in the elementary school department. Some of them are too incapacitated to speak at all, so we just went around the school, showing off the costumes.
Then, I had the students at my technical high school carve pumpkins. Teaching at this school is always really fun and relaxing because the english teacher I pair up with is only 23 and lived in New Zealand. His name is Atsushi (I call him "Hot Sushi"...if you've ever read the book "Hokkaido Highway Blues," then you prolly know what I mean) and his English is excellent, but he definitely talks like a Kiwi. That day, he told me that he didn't like Justin Timberlake because he's, "a piker." hahaAside from threatening each other with the carving knifes, I saw some of the guys eat the raw insides of the pumpkins, throw seeds down each other's shirts and one of them caved an a-hole on the backside of their pumpkin. I was cracking up. High schools students are the same in every country.I find it so endearing how affectionate Japanese people are with their friends of the same gender. They're always jumping on each other's backs, putting their arms around each other, mess around by touching their necks, hands, faces, whatever. It's so un-American. Back home, we have this ridiculous notion of what masculinty is. If an American did the same thing, they would be considered gay.Finally, I had the girls in my english club at my base high school decorate the english room. Every Friday after school, I run the English club, so we're always doing random things like listening to American music or looking through english magazines. There are 8 girls and these are two of them. These girls are really sweet. When I first got to Japan, they threw me a welcome party with all things Japanese: an intro to J-music, chopsticks and a J-plate, mochi (a desert filled with red bean paste), and an intro to all the festivals around town. The girl on the left is awesome at English and I always encourage her to keep at it. She entered a speech contest, so I help her with pronunciation and what not. This skeleton was so cheesy...I know. Every day I have to clean with the students, and one of the guys moved the skeleton's legs so that they were spread eagle and put its hand over the crotch. One of the other teachers was scolding him but he didn't stop. I wanted to laugh sooooo hard, but I knew I had to keep my poker face on or else the other teacher might have gotten pissy.

This is just the beginning of my Halloween in Japan. To be continued...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8335653541

I'm dying to win something out of these machines, but the arcades in Japan are so intimidating. There's guys on microphones yelling, strobelights, techno music (think video game type techno), bright yellow walls and tweens who have gone pro on some of these games. This is Disney World on speed...times 10...then fast forward it some more...yup.

This is to show that I actually do work despite my recent blog entries of retardedness on the weekends.

Let me break it down. I have 7 schools in total: 2 high schools (one of which is my base school), 1 junior high, 3 elementary schools and one school for the disabled. I usually spend about 3 days a week at my high schools and the other two days are spent visiting the other schools. I visit my school for the disabled every 2 weeks while I visit the other elementary schools monthly.

The elementary schools and school for the disabled are my favorite because I have free reign on what I can teach them. I can plan parties and fun games. The high schools are more structured so I have to follow a boring lesson plan and grade papers. This usually consists of me drawing pictures of Yoda and Hello Kitty on their papers just to spice things up. A uniquely Japanese phenomena is that once students enter high school, they warp into these mutes who refuse do anything by themselves. Asking them a simple question like, “What is your favorite color?” turns into a roundtable discussion. They giggle shyly, cover their mouths with those stank rags their carry around (I hope they wash those REGULARLY) and ask all their friends around them for the answer. 5 minutes later, you’ll be lucky if they’ve responded. Complete spastiks. But, outside of class, they rush to talk to me and ask inappropriate questions about my love life, body and hygiene. This is my favorite part of the day. My all time favorite convo was with one of the students who told me, “Christine-sensei (sensei is a title added to the end of a teacher’s name), Japanese men are easy! HA HA HA” and ran away to brag to all his friends about what he just did. Other topics have included what moisturizer I use, why I have such long legs (Japanese people have long torsos, but are bow-legged and shooort) and if I can come over to their house. In America it’s sexual harassment; in Japan it’s hilarious.

This is my first day at my favorite elementary school, Yuno elementary. These kids are an absolute pleasure. After I gave my self-introduction about FL oranges, Disney World, alligators and such, they all stood up and sang a song to me. Not only do they ask for my autograph, but they also clap when I walk into the classroom. Their energy is contagious. One thing I must say is that I’m not a necessarily exceptional teacher. I don’t particularly care if they can remember the English words I teach them a week later (although that would be nice) because I don’t get to teach them on a regular basis. Rather, I’m just trying to sell them English and American culture. I want them to remember that they had a good time, not the name of vegetables or the days of the week. So, I act as silly as possible (those of you who know me well know that this is the norm for me anyway!) in class by making kissing noses to their cheeks with stuffed animals, putting pennies on their heads, singing their names when I call on them, randomly dancing, etc… I have officially become the pet gaijin (foreigner).

Florida is getting shafted by too many hurrucanes. This looks like it's heading stright north, too close for comfort...too close to Jacksonville. This is the first time in history that we've used all the regular names. The next hurricane to come through the Atlantic is going to have to resort to the Greek alphabet...and to think the season doesn't even end until Nov. 30. If this isn't a sign that global warming isn't just a satistic, then i don't know what is. So, instead of going on a rant about how worthless George Bush is (and any president before him who has neglected the issue), I'll let this pic do the explaining. This is my hometoast Jenn from Tally. If there's anyone I know who can ruck a muck and get away with it it's her. We got pierced in Spain, launched "Operation Anti-Bush" during the elections (essentially defaced our campus) and crashed a Micheal Moore shindig. She protested in D.C. a few weeks ago and raised hell.Whenever she decides to start the revolution, I'll be right there with her. ;o)

"My fork sucks! Let us out!"

Evidently, it's as easy as callin him/her a cunt. How do I know? Well....

After our monthly required meetings at Yamaguchi city, a group of us were on the prowl for a restaurant to hang out in, ANY restaurant. After hunting for 30 minutes or so, we finally laid eyes on a ramen shop. Naturally, we go in and I decide to use the bathroom before we get settled. Once I finished and headed out to meet up with everyone else, I see that the only person inside was Paul...Paul being pulled by the shop owner.

An old fogie in his sixties restraining Paul (over 6 ft, big guy) by his bag. The closer I get, the more I see how furious the guy was. Yelling, shaking and, at this point, holding both of us back...we couldn't break free from him. We were held captive! I couldn't understand a word he was saying (or what was going on for that matter). Thank Gawd Paul managed to push his way through and out the door. Now I was held captive, Mario Brothers style. Paul was trying to save me from King Koopa in his dreadful castle. Seeing me completely hopeless against this senile man, Paul forces the door open, despite grandpa's attempts. We were apologizing profusely in our broken Japanese, a feeble attempt at bargaining with him to let BOTH of us out. Until finally, the only customer in the store wanted to leave and had to pay. Perfect distraction. In a split second, Paul and I look at each other and make a run for it. We were actually scared! I've never seen a Japanese person lose face like that, let alone get aggressive..

We ran to meet up with everyone and try to explain what had happened. After a while, Stephanie (slightly inebriated at this point, mind you) confesses to calling the guy a cunt because, "He said he wouldn't serve us. So, I asked him 'do you really not want to serve us or are you just too much of a cunt to understand my Japanese?'" I could've killed her, but it does make for a good laugh...

Thanks for the boxes!!! I got the first one on Monday and the second one today (still waiting for the 3rd one). I felt like it was Christmas when I saw the mailman drop them on my living room floor (X-mas in October..why not? We did have Thanksgiving in July! hehe). I took a big whiff as I opened them and they smelled just like our house..fabric softener, moth balls, and cilantro...mmm. The winter clothes came just in time becuase it definitely feels like fall at night and early morning.

The dream book is perfect (i'm a hocus-pocus, horoscope junkie). I've been having the weeeirdest dreams lately.

The birthday card was priceless. For the record, Mami and Papi did NOT win me in a Bingo game. It was Crazy Eights.

Lili, will you thank Eileen for the earrings? They are cutie...Navajo indian style.

Whoever convinced Mami to send the "In Touch" magazine--good call! Gawd, I really miss raunchy celebrity gossip, no matter how outdated it is. Is that Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston feud still holding strong? Lindsay Lohan looks like a broomstick.

Maureen, I love the necklace and chocolate coffee bar from your Hawaii trip. I haven't stopped listening to the new Kanye West CD you burned either. BTW, I bought a pack of Tim Tams and a Dairy Milk chocolate bar 2 weeks ago. BE JEALOUS!!! hahaha

I never thought I'd ever be so happy to see Starbursts, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and sour gummi worms.

The Halloween decorations were a perfect touch. I'm throwing my students at the school for the Disabled a Halloween party. It'll be perfect. They love learning about "Jack O' Rrrrranterns" and the precious phrase "Trickuuu oruu Treatuuu."

I'll admit that getting those boxes made me feel a pang of homesickness. Then, I realized that my apartment felt that much cozier and, well...more like home. Thanks SO much!

Love ya guys,
Christy

One of the perks about living in Japan is the amount of festivals held all over the country, throughout the year. So far, the best one I've attended was the sake festival this weekend in Hiroshima. Part of the 'Guch crew (Justin, Stirlo and Pete) met up with the Hiroshima lot for the day. 1500 yen (around 15 bucks) got you over 900 types of sakes to sample, from all regions of Japan. You could try the sweet kind, dry, spicy, bitter, flowery...anything. I've never had anything against sake back in the States, but it never was my choice of drink. This festival made me reconsider. This is a pic of Justin and I enjoying ourselves, but also realizing the state of our pitiful existance after about 4 hours at the festival. Justin is another JET in my town who I hang out with a lot. He's from Australia and has traveled the world like no other: 40 countries to be exact. The story of when he fell asleep in Australia and found himself in New Zealand the next day is a doozie. He is my traveling mentor and an inspiration.

I still can't get over how nice the Japanese come across. Even though these workers are supposed to hide behind this glass divider, they couldn't refuse us foreigners. We started the day meeting some people who work for Delta, whish essentially is anotehr title for "getting paid to travel." While they live in Guam now, one of the guys is originally from Deltona, Florida. What r the odds of that? Southern accent and all, smack in the middle fo Hiroshima.

I haven't touched on Japan's infactuation with being and looking "cute." I'm talking little boy/girl cute..even if you're 50. I'll leave that for another blog entry, but this pic is a good example of that. The drunk sake bear. Cute, inebriated and hairy. Like any other proper Japanese festival, there was fried octopus balls, green tea ice cream, skewered chicken on sticks and cold noodles, among other things. What I love the most is that festivals here aren't about being one big party. Instead it is one of the rare times that families can actually enjoy a day together. The men aren't in business suits, working and the children aren't in school. I imagine that it is one of the few times that children truly can bond with their fathers (the mothers usually aren't the issue becuasemost of them become homemakers once they become pregnant for the first time). So, they lay a blanket on the ground and enjoy the day.

These guys are some locals we met. The one on the right is a pro dancer in Tokyo and was visiting his friend on the left who lives in Hiroshima. Casey, the ringleader of the Hiroshima JETS, is in the middle. The Tokyo dancer later took a big group of us to a club in the heart of the city lights. Little did we know that the club would soon be filled with American Marines from the base in Iwakuni (less than an hour-ish away). Though I met a really cool Marine, most of them seemes to be scpoing out their prey: unassuming J-girls who would do anything to marry a Western man. The scene was quite sickeneg after awhile. After dancing and teaching salsa to Pete and Casey, we decided to call it a night. After a quick conbini stop, Lisa, David and I crashed at an internet cafe. And yet, another morning spent wondering, "why did we pass out here?"

And yet another healthy dose of Engrrrish for all you kiddies back home. Enjoy!


Apedite sounds scary, not sexy.

Even the spam that I've been getting on my cell phone is retarded. Take a look:
* coo-poo-like.bringfire@ezweb.ne.jp
* getter-blind 1719@yahoo.co.jp
* ayumi-one-night.love-deai@ezweb.ne.jp
* mixjuice.com@sky.quolia.com
* candy-prince highwee77zoom@ezweb.ne.jp
* catprety-wanwan.5pgeto@ezweb.ne.jp








Don't they have spell check?

"Natural & Healthy"
~The description on the wrapper of a processed hotdog (not shown here) wrapped in a butter bun and glazed with mayonnaise. I still bought it despite the false advertising.













No need for a caption here.













"Good thing I'm only getting severly drunk and not drunk severly." ~Justin










...because 2 legs would be rude.


















Can't say ya weren't warned.








Words to the wise.

Last Tuesday, one of my students wore a shirt (under his uniform, of course) that read:
"Flower sniffin'
Kitty pettin'
Baby kissin'
Corporate rock whores."

Whaaaaaa?!?

After Fukouka, we went to this town called Beppu. The whole place is built on a volcano, Mt. Aso. They're so much geothermal activity going on that there is steam rising EVERYWHERE: cracks in the sidewalks, gutters, chimneys..everywhere. Steam is so abundant that people literally set up stands, put baskets of eggs on the sidewalks, and come out with hard-boiled eggs in no time. BTW, I had the plumpest and juicest corn on the cob by this method....ooiiiishiii (yummy in Japanese)!!!! There are 8 areas around town that have hot springs with boiling hot water, hence the name, "The 8 Hells." One of them has red water, tinted because of the clay. Another one is named "Shaven Head Hell" because bubbles of hot, gray mud boil to the top, looking like the shaven heads of monks.

Since Beppu is known for its hot springs, onsens, there are some where people can actually dip in and relax. Basically, it's a glorified way of taking a bath. OK, the catch is, you have to get buck ass naked in front of complete strangers. I was walking around with my delicates all over the place, trying not to be bashful, but it was pretty hard not to laugh! hahah I get enough stares being a foreigner, let alone the fact that I was scrubbing myself--naked--on a stool the size of a bike tire. So, we tried some sand baths, mud baths, steam rooms, pebble baths, outdoor baths, etc. The outdoor bath was prtty cool b/c you're basically in this enclosed outside area with waterfalls and trees. One of the places we visited was up in the mountains, so you had to take this long pathway to finally get to the mud bath. Evidently, Mother Theresa went there before she died. They had tons of pics of her stay hanging on the walls. Needless to say, going to an onsen is a must when it comes to having an authentic Japanese experience. The whole process from start to finish--taking a shower BEFORE getting in the onsen, washing your hair, body, shaving, etc; slowly pouring small amounts of the ridiculously hot water over your body, then dipping into the onsens, remaining as still as possible, then cleaning up afterwards--is a methodic and sacred process.

Of course, we couldn't leave Beppu without checking out the sex museum...that's our motto: "Sex museums 'til death." Even in sex, the Japanese are overly poilte and inhibited. Not only do they scramble their porn, but they also scrambled the glass covering the paintings conveying tantric positions. This resulted in Anh, Hannah and I simply stretching--spraining really-- our necks to look at the goods. Oh, that Lord Adinath was quite the devil... This museum wasn't as impressive as the sites in Amsterdam, but it did boast an over-sized wooden penis. I couldn't help but reminisce of the "Ambigously Gay Duo" sketch on Saturday Night Live--the museaum was only missing the ass-shaped cave.

Other notable mentions at the sex museum:
1) Those claw vending machines that could grab anything from porn videos to vibrators
2) A room dedicated to the Prince walking in on Snow White having an orgy with the 7 Dwarves (leave it to the Japanese to find Disney remotely sexy)
3)











'Nuff said...

I went to Fukouka on Friday night with a few of the 'Guch crew to check out the scene. Aside from Hiroshima, it's the nearest major city to me. I fell in love with the city instantly (more so than any other I've been to here). There wasn't a piece of trash anywhere and, fully equipped with cobblestones and a water fountain clock, even the subways were immaculate. Fukouka screams Japan without overdoing it. There are the bright lights without the tackiness. The cool hipsters without the cutesiness that infamously plagues J-culture. The art deco dotting the streets without the hippie-wannabes.

Hannah, Jeannette, Paul, Pete, Marina, Jason, Sunny and I checked out the infamous “Happy Cock (not as gay as it sounds)” for some good 'ol clubbing action. The poor Japanese try so hard to dance, but they end up looking like those games at Chuck E. Cheese's where you have to hit the weasels with a cushion mallet when they come out of their hole: one pops up here, and BAM, they've clumsily bumped into the next hopeless dancer; another bobs up for air there, and BAM, they've spilt their drink. But the most pathetic attempt was a middle-aged woman, well passed her prime, gyrating her Black Wranglers and mesh black top (think Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation) to the Black Eyed Peas. Bless their hearts.

We were supposed to check into a capsule hotel that night, but considering the fact that it was 5 in the morning and we had a bus to catch at 8, we decided to nix the plans and raid Lawson's, the nearest convenient store. As you can see, Pete and I didn't last as long as the others. What was supposed to be a military style power nap, back-to-back, ended up being a hibernation session on a park bench. I can't wait to go back to Fukouka.

Being far away from the States during Hurricane Katrina has shifted my perception. I have an opportunity to spread the word about what it’s like to be American to an area that would otherwise be clueless. To show them that there’s a lot more to our culture then McDonald’s and Hollywood movies. For the past month, my co-workers have been asking me all kinds of questions about the hurricane. Of course, the J-news has covered it, but not as extensively or with as many graphic images then American news has.

I decided to give a presentation about the hurricane. I showed the students pictures. Told them about how people evacuate before the storm, or at least try to evacuate. Explained how families are dispersed throughout the south, if they survived at all. There was absolute dead silence. They were hooked. It was then that I decided to collect donations to send to the Red Cross in the States. The vice principal told me that he’d get back to me after he got the OK from the principal, but there was never an OK.

The VP sat me down and explained to me how they can’t collect donations from the students. “It is our school policy, to not except money from students for charity. We’ve never done that. Most students don’t have jobs, so we can’t ask them for money.” No, but it doesn’t stop them from asking their parents to buy them Louis Vuitton purses (and they usually oblige. J-parents are notorious for spoiling their children). Typical. I should have known that just like everything else in Japan, people can’t think out side the box. The second someone threatens the daily routine with a new idea, the superiors shoot it down. More enraging then it is shocking, I knew it was something my students would’ve loved. I already had 3 girls approach me about helping the cause last week.

The VP then suggested that I could collect dona